Thursday, February 13, 2014

30 is Coming!

I have thought a LOT about my birthday this year. Every year celebrating my birthday is a BIG deal to me. This year I will be turning 30 and although I feel generally happy in life, 30 has been feeling REALLY old to me. It is getting closer and closer and I can't help but feel like I know I will end up crying alone. I will be leaving my twenties behind me and embarking into being a real older woman. There are no excuses for things for being younger, or for not knowing any better. At 30, we have all the resources to KNOW better, we have the hindsight to see how to make better decisions, to really step up and grab life by the horns. I am very excited about the new-found confidence and passion I have found in myself as I do feel a slight mid-life crisis hiding in the background. It is still constantly thrown in my face that I am a single mother at 30 I will be utterly and completely single. On a day to day basis I am perfectly happy with this status, but when thinking about my big 3-0 birthday and how alone I really am I have already decided that given the travesties and trials of this past year, that I am definitely not in a place financially that would allow me to take a trip home or anywhere for that matter and that I will be spending my birthday alone with a glass of wine, crying away my twenties, so that I can wake up in the morning and put the tears and sadness behind me and move on in my Big Girl pants with life... I really just want it to happen already, so I can stop thinking about it. It makes me feel sad and old and alone to think about turning 30 on the day, but then I know that I will feel empowered and confident and fierce on my first day as I enter into the world of 30. Long story short I just want 30 to tick across and let me move on as a more enlightened, empowered, stronger, smarter, sexier ME!

These are my thoughts from earlier today about my impending 30th birthday.  It's not so much that I dread BEING thirty, I am actually excited about it.  It is the actually ramifications of TURNING thirty that seem to be scaring me.  There is all types of "Thirty Advice" out there.  So I have been going through a lot of these lists and wanted to compile some things that are out in the internet world that people think about the thirties; funny, tragic and exciting!  Enjoy!

1. People start to think that there is something legitimately wrong with you when you are single in your thirties.  
*I actually get this a lot in my late 20s, it's like we all shrivel up and die when we hit 40...  ok so maybe there will be some issues with the reproductive organs as I get older, but I already have a child.  It's easier for people to handle if you are divorced, like that makes everything ok.  But having never been married, people think that you must have something you are hiding that makes you undateable, like you have an extra Nipple, or are a crazy person, etc. 

2. You are constantly busy
This is definitely true for me now as a mom!  People tell me they are bored or have time to sit down and watch an entire season of a tv show in marathon mode!  I wonder where this time came from and I miss having the time to have actually accomplished something when I HAD the free time!  I am always jealous of these "bored" people and wish I could siphon some of their unused time for myself haha. 

3. You Facebook Feed will be nothing but new baby pics
This has been going on for awhile now actually, and yes I am guilty of it, but in my defense I probably post just as many dog, cat, and selfies to even it all out in the long wrong ;)  It's always the constant marriages, engagements and new marriages that get to me.  You really want to be happy for your friends and you are about 90% happy for them but then you are like damn this person is on husband #8 already and I don't even have 1 hahaha.

4. There are now 2 kinds of people: Those who work out and those who work, but you will actually learn to care for your fitness more
I don't know how some people have the time (yes back to the time) to work out as much as they do.  And then I realize that they don't have kids haha.  I don't have time to work out 2-4 hours a day, I am happy if I get more than 4 or 5 hours of sleep in a night.  I do get my workouts in but I am a big fan of workouts that are 30 minutes or less and still effective!

5. Getting carded is awesome.
HAha I think that now, I am already not getting carded anymore and it makes me cry a little inside.  I always think that I must look like an old woman now or something :(

6. Your favorite foods will now wreak havoc on your insides.
Luckily this is NOT true for me, at least not yet.  The only thing that really bothers me is if I have an overabundance of citrus...  and that stayed with my from my pregnancy.  I love food, please 30, don't take that away from me.  It's all I have....

7. The classic rock station is now playing your highschool playlist.
This one is starting to feel more true all the time.  For the past 4 or 5 years I have had a hard time connecting with any current music.  I have even had to change target genres to find current music that I can actually listen to.  The lyrics are horrendous!  I am sure that my parents thought the same thing when they were my age.  And to think I sincerely thought that I was going to be this awesome mom that could totally connect with my son's music.  Reminds me of the Southpark Episode where Randy tries to get into Kyle's music that is literally just fart noises hahaha.  

8. Quiet never sounded so good.
I think this has more to do with having children than being 30.  I actually find myself looking for instrumental songs so that I can just have peaceful thinking while I drive and not have to listen to stupid lyrics in the car haha.  And at night, this is my solace I try to suck every ounce out of the time I have to myself to recharge my mental batteries for the journey of each new and exciting day as a mom.

9. Your back will hurt for no damn reason
Damn...  this already happens to me...  I AM an old woman after all....

10. You will now have divorced friends
I think we may have already covered this one haha, but yes this is happening much too frequently, and always make me blissfully happy that I may not be married but at least I didn't marry the WRONG person hahaha in your face....  I mean I am terribly sorry for this horrible time you are going through right now...

11. Marathons EVERYWHERE
hahaha on my goodness this is absolutely true!  All of a sudden everyone wants to be a runner.  it's as if they feel an impending doom and that life will still end and if they don't accomplish anything at least they can say they ran a marathon..  Again, who has time to run for hours a night?  More power to you.  I used to be a runner...  But now I am good with my Zumba, in my house, with no shoes, wearing whatever the hell I want, with hair all crazy....

12. Gray hairs will begin to sprout up all over
Thank the lord this hasn't happened yet, although I have gotten bolder with my hair coloring, I am about to add some purple in next time!  Yay for freedom in self expression.

13. You are now a person with answers
Well again, nothing new, this has been me for most of my life.  A lot of times I feel like I get thrown into some of the craziest and most random experiences, purely for the fact that I can help other people live through them later in life.

14. Wrinkles will appear as if overnight.
This is ALREADY happening.  I am getting smile lines and crows feet and lines under my eyes and I have new ones on my forehead that I never noticed until a couple months ago.  I am not a young 22 year old looking girl anymore, I know look like a woman and a mom.  Although I have to say the most devastating thing was when my mother gave my night cream for Christmas a few years back.  I was crushed that she thought I was old and hid it away....  but now I am thinking it's time to find it and start using it haha.

15. The only dancing you will do is at weddings and work parties.
Yeah I definitely abstain from dancing now... except at home when Liam is in the bath, and sometimes we dance together and I am eternally grateful for being single and that only my son can laugh at me, but he doesn't because he is young and thinks dancing with me is awesome still!  Although I still want to learn how to ball-room dance!  The tango is on my list!

16. Talk of cool new bars and bands is replaced with talk of mortgage refinancing and preschool applications...
Already true.....  oh man I am old

17. The repercussions and "bad" decisions of your 20s will catch up with you.
If you made any financial blunders you will certainly pay for it now!  I have been working for the last 4+ years to place myself in a completely debt free situation...  

18. You can't wait to be 40.
Well, this one I can't relate to as I am still dreading turning 30...  I can't imagine WANTING to be older!  So we will see.  

19. IF you are single in yours 30s you get to pick your own mattress!
Yes THIS is great!  I get to pick my mattress my bedding, my SIDE of the bed, my decor, and no one can say anything about it because I am single and I like it that way! 

20. You can take a job anywhere without making someone else move.
Unfortunately this only applies if you don't have kids.  I have already squashed a couple of hopeful prospects due to my son being my number one priority, but luckily I have no regrets and know that when the time is right we can make the best move for us as a family.  

21. You know what you like sexually and aren't afraid to talk about or ask for it.
Having had such horrible luck with any one to date let alone sex, I feel like I definitely HAVE this knowledge, but I really haven't had the chance to put it to use....

22. You don't put up with bullshit anymore and when something bad happens you don't dwell on it!
I have already made leaps and bounds in this area in the last few years!  I definitely look forward to perfecting the process!  It is so freeing and exhilarating!  I love it. Why couldn't I have felt this way 10 years ago instead of being the awkward raccoon girl that hated school and how mean people were.  

23. Chances are you are making more money now...
Funny thing, I definitely make more money now, but with a child I have LESS money to spend and more bills haha.  That's where that combined income comes into play that I am missing out on haha.

24. You know how to cook at least one Dish REALLY Well!
Luckily living alone and being away from home with the military helped jump-start my cooking skills.  In the last year or so I have really come to perfect a TON of recipes and I have found peace and joy in taking on new recipes and fortes in cooking more and more.  I find a joy in cooking now that I never knew I could feel!  

25. You've figured out what your personal style is.
I am still perfecting this one.  The problem is that I know that I want to alter the majority of my wardrobe, I just need to have the funding to go through and completely buy an entirely new closet full of clothes...  it's coming little by little.  I am building it a piece at a time.

26. You drink wine like a Boss
hahaha yes I think I can definitely attest to my wine connoisseur skills that continue to grow and age like a fine wine.  My palate has definitely changed from my early twenties already.

27. Dating is less messy because you know what you want and you demand it.
This has changed drastically in my life.  I have reached a point where I am VERY comfortable in my own company!  And I have had to face the very real possibility that I may NEVER be married.  And I have come to terms with that, although it is not my preference I know that I will not settle for a relationship that is not for my greatest good.

28. All of your friends are getting married, which gives you an excuse to get drunk
That's right all of the friends that you watched go through divorce are now getting remarried...  oh yes here I sit still single hahaha

29. You get along with your parents and actually go to them for advice.
So true, although I was always a weird child that has been very close with my mother, my relationship with both of my parents has definitely developed and created a different type of love and substance and respect and it has been great I look forward to that growing even more in my thirties.

30. You have found the most amazing group of friends because you aren't afraid to let go of people who aren't right for you.
This is where I need MAJOR work.  I have been amazingly better at letting go of the people who weren't good for me, but I have grown atrocious at making new friends that are.  

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