Thursday, September 19, 2013

Dumb Criminals Part 3: Women on a Rampage

This evening Dumb Criminals blog features women who were on some sort of a rampage.  I hope you enjoy their special kind of crazy. 

Let's begin by talking about Racquel Gonzalez, who allegedly assaulted her boyfriend for having an orgasm when she did not have one herself.  I can see why she may have been angry about this if it seemed to be par for her sex life.  However, I think that getting a new boyfriend would have probably been a better alternative.  After the alleged sex incident Gonzalez was apparently scratching and hitting her boyfriend going for the eyes and nose.  According to her boyfriend she has a troubled past and "goes off" on him all of the time.   Seems to me that her boyfriend liked to live dangerously and maybe he shouldn't have been quite so selfish in bed.  Luckily for him at least she didn;t go "Lorena Bobbit on his butt."  My advice to her is to find a new man or maybe just a vibrating one and she won't have that problem anymore.

Boyfriend assaulted for solitary orgasm

Now let's talk about some serious hatred for The Eagles or maybe it's just hatred for a roommate.  Vernett Bader allegedly stabbed her roommate (also her ex boyfriend) for his refusal to stop listening to The Eagles.  Bader was reportedly peacefully watching television and told her roommate to turn his music off.  The roommate refused and continued to listen to the Eagles which understandably pushed Vernett to her limits.  The roommate reports that Vernett came at him with a kitchen knife and after he wrestled it away from her she went back for another one while he locked himself in the bathroom for safety.  Vernett alleges that she only stabbed her room mate in self defense as he was choking her.  Without any visible marks on her neck Vernett's story didn't hold up in court.

Room mate stabbed over The Eagles

We can't have dumb criminals without a little bit of drunken debauchery.  In March a woman was charged with a DWI after trying to run from the cops in a child's toy truck.  Of course this only occurred after she crashed into a mobile home and then thought she had found a new mode of transportation.   Did I mention that the toy was battery operated?   Kind of reminds me of  a Southpark Car Chase with a battery operated car going for the border at around 5 mph and the cop cars still happen to crash and burn.   But back to the topic at hand.  Jamie Craft allegedly had on a white shirt with no pants or shoes...  after crashing into a man's trailer she got into his son's Power Wheels truck and tried to drive away.  Needless to say the breathalyzer reported that Craft had a BAC of .217  So she was definitely highly intoxicated at the time...  Just goes to show that you should NEVER drink and drive....  especially in a Power Wheels truck.

DWI in Power Wheels

Speaking of cars, let's talk about a Phoenix woman who attempted to steal a car but could not figure out how to work the transmission...  Oh yeah it was an automatic.  The most difficult of all transmissions.....  A man was dropping his children off at a house and left his car running in the driveway.  That's right the keys are in the ignition and the car is already turned on.  The door is unlocked and waiting.  So Jasmine Hernandez jumps at the opportunity and frantically starts trying to figure out how to put the car in drive (or maybe reverse).  Either way she seems to be pushing on the gas pedal and turning on the lights and windshield wipers and not making any attempt to use the automatic gear shifter....  According to the police report Hernanez apparently was not aware that any cars were made without a column-mounted shifter.  Unluckily Hernandez already had a warrant out for her arrest...  Luckily it seems that no actual charges were filed in her botched attempt at car theft. 

Would Be Car Theft Foiled By Own Stupidity

*Warning: The following story is somewhat graphic and disgusting, read at your own risk.

Of course we couldn't talk about raging dumb women criminals without any mention of the West Virgina woman who threatened 2 men at knife point to "go down on her."  Melissa Williams was charged with assault and weapons charges after allegedly holding two men at knife point that refused her sexual demands at a hotel.  Apparently Williams lived 4 rooms down from her estranged husband and decided to pay him and his friend a visit.  During said visit she demanded that they "eat her pussy."  Her estranged husband reportedly declined the invitation but his friend agreed to it and approached Williams.  However, as he got closer he was met with a "horrible vaginal odor emitting from Melissa Williams."  Needless to say this caused him to change his mind.  Melissa Williams then reportedly uttered a line never before memorialized in a police report: “Somebody is going to eat my pussy or I’m going to cut your fucking throat.”  I really don't have anything more to add, I think that about sums it up haha. 

Woman's Demands Go TOO Far

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