Lies That Chelsea Handler Told Me

Lies that Chelsea Handler told me is a collection of short anecdotes about Chelsea written by members of her family and friends with a short response at the end of each by Chelsea.

Chelsea Handler is known as a hilarious entertainer and I expected nothing short of intense hilarity from this book. What I got, however was more than I had bargained for. This book has many funny and messed up stories within these pages. However, in addition to the stories of Chelsea’s antics, I was given an intimate look into Chelsea as a person.

There are memories within these pages which show the seriousness of life and as always the way that Chelsea finds humor in every situation. I had no idea the level of entertainment that Chelsea received from each and every situation that she finds advantageous for the most genius of jokes. I found myself questioning on many occasions if I would have the steadfastness to put up with some of the horrendous things Chelsea has done in the past, or if I would be able to love Chelsea as fiercely and see through to the heart of the matter that results from being the butt of one of her many schemes.

I walked away with a better understanding of who Chelsea Handler is behind the laughs and jokes. Chelsea loves fiercely, and with that love comes practical jokes and picking on people that can only be seen in an intense middle school crush situation of “boy likes girl.”

I give this book 5/5 stars. It was entertaining, it was funny, and it was intimate. NOTHING is off limits with Chelsea Handler, and there is no level of appropriateness. Chelsea is exactly where she needs to be in life for her greatest good and happiness and offer of laughs to the public. I can appreciate and love Chelsea even more for her inappropriate sense of humor and her desire to take care of everyone she cares about, even if it comes at their own expense from time to time. If you are a Chelsea Handler fan you MUST read this book, also if you are into biography, humor, non-fiction, etc, you would enjoy this book.

Jackie: The Adventures of a Little Boy Trying to Grow Up

Jackie: The Adventures of a Little Boy Trying to Grow Up is written by John Tammela and is an autobiography of his childhood as told from the point of view of the boy and an omnipotent narrator.

I have to agree with the sentiment that this is not a fitting cover for the book. Although “Jackie” looks sad on the cover, this book is anything but a sad story. This is instead a look inside the atmosphere of growing up in Niagara Falls, Canada in the 30s and 40s.

Jackie’s family immigrated to Canada from Finland prior to the start of World War II. Jackie’s childhood is reminiscent of the freedom that children used to know growing up. I had many moments that took me back to “A Christmas Story” and I could definitely see Jackie’s adventures with his friends and family being turned into a similar style movie.

Jackie’s live within the book ranges from toddler to fifth grade. During this time his adventures span from school stories, to shenanigans with his siblings, and even overcoming the fears of a small boy.

There are a few “experiences” within the story that will remind you of the growing up in Now & Then, or even Stand By Me which is completely realistic for a real little boy who is growing up into a young man. These are tastefully done and innocently real.

Although the font and the chapter length in the book is reminiscent of a middle grade novel, I found this book to be suitable for all age groups. If you have ever grown up or if you are just now growing up, I am sure that you can find something to relate to within John Tammela’s story of adolescence.

I give this book 4/5 stars. The beginning starts off a little slow and the ending wraps up in a detached way that is not seen in the rest of the book. Otherwise I thought it was well done and I loved the hand drawn maps and associated drawings that brought life to the stories told within the book. Quite the exciting childhood, makes me wish I could allow my son some of the same freedoms that can’t be found in current urban living. If you are interested in child biography, Canada, childhood, growing up, humor, imagination, etc, then this is a great book for you.  Also I have been told by the author that there is a second book in the works, so watch for that to come out in the near future!

*I received a copy of this book for free in exchange for a fair and honest review.

All Four Stars

All Four Stars was written by Tara Dairman and revolves around the life and love for cooking found within an adorable sixth grader named Gladys. 

This book was unexpectedly spectacular.  I had no idea how much I was going to love this book.  The writing was brilliant and entertaining.  I read that it took Tara many years to actually get this published, with it almost not happening, and I am so happy that she took the leap into being a published author because the world would have been missing too much cuteness in Gladys, and a wonderful light-hearted story with All Four Stars. 

Gladys lives with parents who walk a line of constant crap food and microwaveable “healthy alternatives”.  They are not big on utilizing anything past the microwave by way of cooking.  It isn’t until a visit from her aunt at the age of eight that Gladys even realizes that there is a whole world of food that she has been missing out on.  Thus begins her double life of secret cooking. 

I felt pain at thinking how many households may live off of fast food and cheap restaurants instead of exploring their palette.  As a mother I cringed to think of the lack of anything actually good going into Gladys’ diet at the hands of her parents.  I rejoiced in Gladys’ rebellion against constant manufactured food in her quest to reproduce recipes from scratch.

Overall I give this book 5/5 stars.  This was an easy love in a book for me.  I do not often read books such as middle grade, but this book was so much more than a specific age book.  As someone who also loves to cook, it would be awesome to see some of Gladys’ recipes into a possible future recipe book.  Gladys could inspire anyone to find their own “flavor” and if you already have a love of food or cooking, than I am sure you can easily relate to this book.  This book is great for pretty much anyone.  I am happy to see that The Stars of Summer will be coming out this summer as the sequel to this delightful read!

*I received a copy of this book for free in exchange for a fair and honest review.

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 5

It's that time again, to watch some wonderful videos out in the midst of the youtube universe.  I have been building up some for the last two months, so I hope that you enjoy what I have to share this evening!  please comment any suggestions for future installments of Hilarious YouTube Videos :)  Thank you!

James Franco was having such a hard time not laughing at Zach haha, I love the Lonely Island

For my southpatk fans :) 

I never realized how hilarious two people staring at each other could be until I came across this, caution may contain spoilers if you haven't seen the Twilight movies yet

Hopefully you can realize that this is satire haha

This is the greatest trailer for Les Miserables of all time :)

In case you have missed the hilarity in previous blogs, you can check them out here: 

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 1  

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 2 

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 3

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 4 

3 Year Olds Are Silly

Just like the title says my son is always making me laugh with his humorous view on life and actions.  Just in the last two days he has sung happy birthday to an old picture of me AND he has also swept the sidewalk and rode a broom.  Luckily I was able to catch both of these things on video and now I would like to share this small glimpse into the awesomeness that is my life as a mother.  Enjoy!

Liam has a mouth full of bubble tea tapiocas while he sings

Every time he watches this video, he laughs hysterically and will do this for 20+ times in a row

Liam has been a frequent sidewalk sweeper his whole life up to this point

Today he was sweeping because there were some bugs on the porch that he thought would bite

*The bugs were dead rolly-poli bugs

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon: Part 7

As long as people continue to review ordinary objects in an extraordinary way and sell the most random and weird things on Amazon, than I will continue to find the humor in it where I can and bring it to you!  With that being said here are a couple of the awesome products I think you want to know about.  Enjoy!

Will Ferrell's Sexy Hot Tan Sunscreen Benefiting Cancer for College 

Yes, that really is the full name of the product....  reminds me of something that you might find in the movie Zoolander being sold by Ben Stiller's character ;)  Product description is as follows: Are you Sexy? Are You Hot? Then who wouldnt want a sexy, hot tan? This sunscreen is made with our very own streaking strength formula plus one. All of our sunscreen products come in 6 oz bottles and are 30 SPF and provide UVA/UVB broad spectrum protection. 100% of the proceeds from sales go to the Cancer for College Scholarship Fund.  My biggest surprise comes from the fact that this is ACTUALLY a sunscreen, although I tend to wonder what the Cancer for College Scholarship Fun really is....





Top Reviews
"At first shake of the bottle, I could tell immediately that this was no ordinary sunscreen. Me thinks the virile essence of the celebrity, Will Ferrell, magically seeped through the plastic skin to enhance the contents within. The packaging offers a nice firm squirt of liquid without very little remnant left around the bottle cap so I have to say the dispensing of this liquid is a delight in itself.
The texture is much lighter than anticipated. After studying the glowing frame of Will Ferrell on the near-pornographic label, I expected the liquid to also carry with it a similar heft, similar to an anvil. Instead, I was taken aback when I could not only hold the weight of a quarter-sized portion of sunscreen in one hand, but still had the stamina to shift the "suntan lotion" around my palm with my thumb. The texture - smooth and creamy as if it were dug up from an underground layer of marshmellow patches and white rabbit carcasses. (I say 'white' rabbit because we all know the coarse nature of a brown or, dear God, 'mixed' or 'spotted' colored bunny's pelt.)
Much like a fine cognac, this lotion has a beautiful bouquet of aged oak, cinnamon, palm trees, ocean spray raspberry fruit juice, and beach sweat. I can only hope they extracted the strong, pungent smell of beach volleyball sweat from the fine actor representing this bottle. To think they would have used the sweat of a lesser man, Dermot Mulroney or Dylan McDermott for instance, would leave me in tears.
In use, this product does what it claims to do... protects you from the harmful UV rays of the sun and prevents you from achieving any semblance of a tan. Rumors that it attracts mythological creatures such as Griffons and the like are probably untrue. I didn't see more than one minotaur since I've been wearing this sunscreen - and I apply it generously to my bodice every day, even if I am staying indoors. And come to think of it, the one minotaur I did see could have been the Schwan's foodservice delivery guy.
I highly recommend this sunscreen to anyone looking to be safe, pale, and sought-after." -Joseph P. Webb
Oh how I love the reviews of this person, I was wondering if we would find out more about the creamy liquid on the inside.  And now we also know the results, smell and effectiveness.  Superb review of the product in my opinion. 

"Will Ferrell introduced this product on the June 9 Jimmy Fallon Show. It's real live suntan lotion. If you can stand the sort of Coppertone baby look of Will, this is a great bottle of suntan lotion.
The proceeds all go to Cancer For College, a charity that supports survivors of cancer that wish to attend college. It's well worth visiting cancerforcollege dot org."  Daniel G. Lebryk 
Perhaps not quite so humor and knowledgeable of a review, but it answers my cancerforcollege question and legitimizes the reality of this product!  So now we know, it IS real!

If you would like to buy your own cancer for college sunscreen go here: Sexy Hot Tan Sunscreen

The Mountain Unicorn Castle T-Shirt

Not to be confused with the awesomeness that is the 3 Wolves Howling at the Moon shirt.  This one takes on a whole other energy!  It comes with a straight forward product description: This is a 100% Cotton T-shirt featuring a unicorn in front of a castle with a rainbow!!  What more do you need to do.  Everything appears to be awesome....  and just when you think that there is nothing awesomer (yes it is a word according to me) than a unicorn and a castle and rainbow on ONE shirt....  just wait until you hear some of the eye-witness accounts of reviewers.




Top Reviews
"I should probably preface this review by stating the obvious: This shirt is clearly meant for people who aren't serious about our one-horned magic friends. I mean, the shirt's fabric construction and lavender color base are terrific, and as a casual-Friday garment, hey, it's better than a stupid Polo shirt. But the devil, as they say, is in the details, so caveat emptor!
First, the grass pictured is quite clearly Italian Ryegrass, and as everyone knows, unicorns prefer to frolic in Dog's Tooth Grass. Second, notice the gray spots on the unicorn's rear flank; are they patterned to look like a fairy? I think not. Third, why is the tip of the unicorn's horn glowing like some defective reindeer's nose??? We all know the horn is pure gold, but if the illustrator was trying to convey this specific coloration, then the whole horn should shine, not just the tip! Fourth, while unicorns transcend space and time, they do NOT exist in a world where it's day AND night simultaneously! A beautiful rainbow AND pretty stars? I mean, who approved this? It's like the shirt's maker is just mocking me...I'll bet he thinks taking Raggedy Ann to one's prom is lame too!!! Fine, shirt guy -- just go ahead and pick me last in dodgeball and tell my parents how I cried in woodshop when the teacher told me to "keep my wood to myself" and I didn't know he was talking about my erection which I couldn't help anyway because I thought about that one episode of The Partridge Family!!!
Anyway, on balance, the shirt's fine for kids and people of lesser unicorn expertise; don't expect too much and you'll be happy with your purchase, just like I was when I bought that ghost costume in Alabama last summer. People really freaked out when I wore that, and it wasn't even Halloween!" -T. Guymon
T Guymon (whom I get the feeling is a man) really schools The Mountain company (maker of this awesome shirt) with his unicorn knowledge.  Obviously The Mountain did not pay attention to detail in a way that they should.  This is quite a helpful review if you are concerned with authenticity and don't want to get made fun of by your friends due to nitpicking.  This could make or break the sale.

"Thank you The Mountain for developing such an amazing product. The first night I wore my Unicorn shirt, I successfully awoke the magic you had woven in to its fibers. Shortly after, I was transported to a higher realm in the etheric, where i met Angel's (my unicorn) family and friends. I have to warn you though, Unicorns behave very similarly to sexually frustrated dolphins. I soon wore out my welcome and returned to my body, feeling very shaky and hungry. I ate an entire bag of nacho cheese doritos. Since then, everything smells like Nacho Cheese Doritos. The Mountain, do you know why this is? Is this some cruel unicorn joke?" -MK
MK gives a great review with a fair warning to possible experiences that can be had just by putting the shirt on.  Other reviews seemed to be more concerned with the fact that this shirt was for woman and that men were trying to take it over to attract woman (which according to several reviewers proved effective).  But not MK, MK just tells it like it is.  Thank you for sharing your experience with us. 

If you would like to experience for yourself you can purchase the unicorn shirt here: Unicorn Castle T-Shirt

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

The title of this book is quite self explanatory.  However, I would like to note that it is available in both paperback and Kindle format.  So you can take it with you wherever you go if you ever need to stifle your libido!  It's description is as follows: Better than a cold shower-and a lot funnier.
Choke the chicken, spank the monkey, charm the snake-however you refer to it, none of the images in this book will encourage you to pleasure yourself. This deceptively simple and strangely addictive book presents a laugh-out-loud collection of random pictures virtually guaranteed to dampen the urge of even the strongest libido.  So there you have it.  Do you really need anything more to be convinced? 





Top Reviews
"I own an extensive collection of pornographical books and videos and I am proud to say it is the only genre I read. Despite what the title says about the book being loaded with images that you shouldn't masturbate to, I bought it anyways to see how the rest of the world lives through reading a single page without the aide of some good old self love. Much to my surprise, I found that this book is actually one of the kinkiest collections of pornography I have ever laid eyes on. Just look at that man on the cover for example. One of my (many) fetishes happens to be naked old men chopping through ice with axes. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the cover of this very book caters to this specific taste. Thank you so much to authors Johnson and Hibbert for this amazing book" -MToons
My mind was literally blown (pun intended?) when I read this review!  How could someone have such sick fetishes as to want to masturbate to a book that is clearly designs to help you not.  Obviously this person is beyond simple self-help books and needs serious counseling.  

"I own an extensive collection of pornographical books and videos and I am proud to say it is the only genre I read. Despite what the title says about the book being loaded with images that you shouldn't masturbate to, I bought it anyways to see how the rest of the world lives through reading a single page without the aide of some good old self love. Much to my surprise, I found that this book is actually one of the kinkiest collections of pornography I have ever laid eyes on. Just look at that man on the cover for example. One of my (many) fetishes happens to be naked old men chopping through ice with axes. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the cover of this very book caters to this specific taste. Thank you so much to authors Johnson and Hibbert for this amazing book." -Alon A. Aloni
Thank you to Alon for informing us that this self-help book for the chronic masturbater can actually also be said to haev the reverse affect on someone with a masturbation problem.  Genius! 

If you have a problem with too much masturbation and would like to start with a self-help book, or if you have a problem with lack of masturbation than this book is for you, buy it here: Images You Should Not Masturbate To

Come Poop With Me (CD & DVD)

Wow, just the title....  and then you see that it is a legitimate product featuring Triumph the Insult Dog.  He had his moments but not sure if I could see the need for a CD & DVD or even one of them....  I mean I know that Pooping can be multifaceted....  but with other people...  is this some sort of sick fetish product?  The product review is as follows: From Late Night With Conan O'Brien to the VMA's on MTV, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog has pooped his way to stardom. Now Triumph debuts on album with Come Poop With Me, a doggie bag of filthy and hilarious new songs, sketches and interviews, featuring Triumph.





 Top Reviews
"Look. You know who Triumph is. Robert Smigel is a comedy genius. He proves it time and time again from his days on Conan O'Brien to his "Saturday TV Funhouse" films on SNL. This is the first salvo in what I expect to be the Smigel Wave Of Comedy Delight for hopefully years to come.
Let's start with the DVD. It is brilliance, defined. This disc is a live performance taped at New York's famed Irving Plaza, and it is insane! Ok, some may not love seeing a brown tinged "roundworm" singing a duet with a puppet dog. But Triumph's greatest triumphs are his interviewing skills, especially with a stuffed shirt like MTVs ancient newscaster Kurt Loder and his tatted up protege, Iann "Robertson" (as the dog insists on calling him). Moments like those are the most hilarious, and make the disc worth the price all by itself! Toss in the interview with the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy, forced to share the stage with the "I lost weight by eating at Subway" guy, and you have some seriously scintillating entertainment!
In a world that's filled with PC commentary, it takes an insult comic dog to refocus our lives on what really matters: the poop.
My only real complaint is that the video for the single, "I Keed" wasn't included here, though the audio version of it is. The CD features the studio versions of many of the bits as seen on the DVD, plus a few others. A bit redundant, maybe, but still just as good!
Don't let the humorless fool you! It's all great and gets a canine out of ten from me!" -Dean Anderson
Well thanks to Dean Anderson for sharing the "Straight Poop" with us and a canine out of ten...  does that equate to less than one? 

"I give my thanks to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog for his songs. My favorite song "I Keed" is really funny. I don't know what else to say! If you don't like the CD, I'll let Triumph POOP ON YOU!!!" -Cherry Berry
Short and simple, and tot he point...  with the title of it being a great CD for them to poop on...  seems a little contradictory to me. 

In case you want to poop with Triumph, be pooped on by Triumph or just want to Poop on the CD you can buy it here: Come Poop With Me

Redneck Rain Gauge

You have to see it to understand the ridiculousness of the product but it is designed to look like a used condom that collects water...  Although I sincerely hope it is unused....  It is described as:Hilarious rain gauge looks like a condom with measurement marks that are printed with sayings like "2 Inches - Just A Little Squirt!" and "3 Inches - Made A Wet Spot!". Now that's funny right there.  Adult humor (and don't worry, it's not a real or used condom). About 7" long and includes clothespin.  Good at least that clears that up AND it comes with a clothespin...  totally worth it!






Top Reviews
"It is small, at least much smaller than the picture makes it seem at first glance, but once you pay attention to the pic it fits. Maybe a little under 5in long. Even comes with the clothes pin pictured.
It probably won't last very long, but it isn't really meant to. The main reason I knocked off a star is because it has a yellow tinge to it. Nothing horrible, but not exactly as pictured. Other than that(besides the photo making it seem bigger) it's what I expected." -G. Davis
I feel like G Davis had overly high expectations and kept talking about it wasn't as big as she expected...  I wonder if they make different types, such as Magnum or XL that would appease her more....

"This is about 3 inches and it is really cheap looking. I got it for a gag gift and it served its purpose though." -Mary_Johnson
Well I feel like this product description must have definitely been written by a man over exaggerating saying it is 7" when we get one woman saying it is only 3 and another one saying just under 5....   Either way, you don't seem to get what you pay for. 

If you still want your condom rain gauge you can purchase it here: Redneck Rain Gauge


In case you have missed the previous and also awesome weird things for sale on amazon they can be found here:

Weird Things For Sale Part 1

Weird Things For Sale Part 2

Weird Things For Sale Part 3

Weird Things For Sale Part 4

Weird Things For Sale Part 5

Weird Things For Sale Part 6

Hilarious You Tube Videos: Part 4

I like to share some of the random hilarity from the past and what I have come across int he event that you have sadly not had the chance to laugh at the awesomeness that is a hilarious YouTube video.  We all know that there are so many videos out there that we could never watch them all, so I like to compile a few to share at a time!  Enjoy!  I welcome and any all funny video suggestions for each new edition as well!


Funny Crazy Cats:
The box sliding cat takes the cake on this one!  I can't stop laughing at it!

What Girls Think About During Sex
One of the greatest Jenna Marbles videos ever made hahaha, and so true at times

Celebrity Jeopardy   I apologize for the poor quality, but it is next to impossible to watch let alone share a good copy of this oldie but goodie that never gets old!

Hilarious Legitimate Workplace Safety Video This is a REAL workplace safety video which makes it even funnier AND even scarier, enjoy!

 

 Living With JigSaw 

For any of my Saw fans, you should find humor in this! 

In case you have missed the hilarity in previous blogs, you can check them out here: Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 1 Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 2 Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 3

Random Liam Moments: January 2014

I had such a great time sharing Liam's random moments from December that I thought it would be fun to share them monthly!  Here are some of the highlights from the last month.

Liam will only wear his Cars Light Up Shoes and his Airplanes zip-up hoodie for a jacket.  It doesn't matter if it matches or not.  We get into a huge fight if I really want him to wear something else or extensive acts of bribery...  Usually I find it's not worth it and just wash them both constantly instead haha.

Liam and I were playing and he told me to go to timeout. At lunch I ate a carrot off of his plate and he told me to go to timeout again. We are watching Despicable Me 2 right now and we always talk about wanting chip hats... I told Liam I wanted a Chip Hat and he said "No I want one, timeout!" Somehow I think this has backfired on me

Liam just let out a really long fart, and then there was silence before he said bless you. I don't know why it was so funny but I just laughed hysterically for almost 5 full minutes.... In case this is funny to anyone else I wanted to share, otherwise I am probably just sleep deprived hahaha. Usually he says excuse me but I think he wasn't sure what to think hahaha


Liam says to me "I have to go potty" as he is playing in his tent so I told him Let's go potty" and we started walking to the bathroom. He informed me "I peed in my pants" He is not one for accidents so I am frantically touching his pants all over looking for a wet spot saying "did you really, how come?" He says "No, ha I'm funny" and laughs hysterically....... Children...

Liam is playing with his food, he had a cheese curd and ripped it in half and one of them was Liam and one was mommy, they were having conversations and playing hide and seek, and at the end they hugged and said "I love you Liam" and "I love you too" and then they were eaten haha. At least they were loving cheese curds...

 Three must be when it starts.... he calls my kisses yucky and now he doesn't want to wake up if I try to wake him up telling me no waking up and that it's time to sleep... 3 going on 13..... And he wakes up wanting chocolate in the morning throwing a tantrum when I won't let him have chocolate for breakfast. I feel like I have a teen girl going through PMS some days haha


 Liam is playing with his food, he had a cheese curd and ripped it in half and one of them was Liam and one was mommy, they were having conversations and playing hide and seek, and at the end they hugged and said "I love you Liam" and "I love you too" and then they were eaten haha. At least they were loving cheese curds...


So a grand maul tantrum ensued after trying to make Liam some oatmeal and he wanted chocolate cream of wheat, so after he calmed down I made him cream of wheat and myself oatmeal.... guess who just gave me his cream of wheat and is now devouring my oatmeal.... little stinker

Liam was watching videos on Youtube and got onto one of making a polymer clay minion from despicable me, he has now been enthralled in polymer clay pixar character creations for the last 45 minutes. I guess this means that it's time for mom to buy Liam some clay or to start making and baking actual objects with the play doh.

 Oh no it has started already at 3, Liam wanted a hug and I kissed his cheek, he just wiped it off and said yuck Where does he learn this? I said No yuck haha

Liam was trying to "cold hands" me while I was making lunch and I made him stop, so then I hear him squealing running around the house so I went to go see what he was doing. He had both hands up the back of his shirt and was saying "cold hands" to himself and squealing haha. I love my child.

This evening Liam and I were watching the second Lilo & Stitch: Stick has a Glitch. Liam has watch all of the Lilo & Stitch movies many times and is very attached to them. He has only seen this one a couple time though and it's been awhile since we last watched it. Towards the end Stitch is running out of power and almost dies, I was watching him and his eyes started to tear up, he was actually feeling emotion towards Stitch and genuinely sad for him and then when their love brings him back to life I was cheering and Liam was happy but his eyes were still wet, if it would have went on for longer I think he genuinely would have cried for Stitch. I found this very interesting because although he knows what goes on in movies now, I haven't seen him get emotionally into something in quite this way. It made me very happy that even though it sucks sometimes I am glad for the decision that I made early on to limit my adult show time to only after Liam was in bed and wasn't watching it. I didn't want him picking up things off of adult themed shows/movies until he was able to better understand what was going on and how to process those things. It is also nice to know that my boy shows compassion towards others even if they are intangible to him.  

 If you want to check out the moments from last month go to:
 Random Liam Moments: December 2013 
 

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 6

As long as there are weird things for sale and people writing awesome reviews about it, I will continue to have a monthly blog about it.  Here is more of the awesomeness for your viewing pleasure. 

The Mountain Three Wolf Short Sleeve Tee

There are no words for the awesomeness of these reviews.  It is described as This hand dyed tee shirt features a stunning screen print graphic on a preshrunk, 100% cotton tee. Dyed and printed by The Mountain. The Mountain uses only inks and dyes, to bring you an incredibly durable and comfortable garment.  Overall this is a really normal thing if you are into a shirt with wolves on it.






Top Reviews
"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark." -B. Govern
I love how this magical shirt created a happy ending for someone.  Perhaps we all need one...  or maybe it only works on men.

"This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn't walk through the aisles at Wal-Mart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course, without people pointing and saying, "Hey, you're that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren't you?" Even if I wore sunglasses, I'd still get mistaken for Yoko Ono.
But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, "Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He's sooooooo dreamy."
Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is." -George Takei
Hey if this makes George's life better than it makes all our lives better.

If you are interested in purchasing this for yourself her is the link: Mountain Three Wolves Shirt

Unicorns are Jerks: A Coloring Book Exposing the Hard Sparkly Truth

Just the name of the item is epic.  Now on tot he product description: Unicorns think they're so great because they're all mysterious and magical, but they can be real jerks sometimes. This coloring book features eighteen examples of unicorns texting in theaters, farting in elevators, eating your leftovers, and generally acting like jerks.








Top Reviews
"This coloring book saved my business. Our firm was on the verge of hiring a unicorn as our new public relations rep. At first, it seemed like a dream come true, what with his magical rainbow mane and shimmering eyes but then after reading this book, we decided to do a little more digging on our potential new hire. I'm so glad we did! This guy turned out to be a notorious ringleader in a human trafficking scandal! Bad news folks! He was using his irresistable horn to lure young children away into a life of depravity and abuse! We owe everything to this important publication. It's really so much more than a coloring book, it's a public service announcement. Don't trust unicorns! Period!
I think it's about time these menaces to society are revealed for who they really are!" -C. Boustead
How great that this could save a business and help in vetting a potential hire.

"I wish I'd had a coloring book like this as a child. Not only does it teach important lessons about not being a jerk, it shows us that you can't assume that beautiful, magical creatures are as sweet as they appear.
The whimsical artwork is laugh out loud funny, as is the text on each page. You'll have a hard time holding your crayons through all the giggling. A great coloring book for every age." -Gypsy-Maria R. Lorimer 
I have to say that I am sold on this based on this review!  I want to giggle while I color!

If you would like to buy this amazing color book follow this link: Unicorns Are Jerks Coloring Book

CTA Digital 2-In-1 iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad

WHY WHY WHY?  But here is the product description. Comfortable and child-friendly potty with activity stand for iPad (2nd, 3rd, and 4th generation) Adjustable stand securely holds and helps protect iPad while kids play Easy to clean with removable inner potty bowl, potty seat and splashguard Clear touchscreen protector guards against smudges and messy hands 360° Rotating stand easily switches between horizontal and vertical views








Top Reviews
"I was really struggling to find a way to rot my child's brain more comprehensively. DVD player at the dinner table, Movies in the car, iPad on our flight, but I never could figure out how to fill the bathroom time with mindless distraction. Thanks iPotty. Now I don't have to talk to my kids at all" -Mark Twain 
 I find myself inclined to agree with Mark Twain here on this one.  Why would our children even need this?  You have to be able to find a way to get your child to go potty without something like this for them to get attached to.  But at least there is a splash guard ;)

"In these times of extreme busyness, you can't help but get frustrated sometimes and think "there's just not enough time in the day!" With this item, your capacity to "get s*** done" is increased exponentially.
PROs:
* Get s*** done
* Colors are not only pleasing to the eye, but scientifically proven to encourage productivity and movements
* No need to flush, built-in incinerator removes waste after motion sensors detect your absence
* Small enough that you can leave your iPad installed and just carry the whole thing with you
* Can download a free bidet app (although after the trial period, you have to pay for it with an in-app purchase)
* Installing your iPad doesn't cover up the camera lens, for easier multi-tasking (Skyping and wiping?)
* Seat sensor technology detects up to 4 individuals, adjusting seat height and warmth automatically according to programmable presets
* Magnetic smart lid keep animals out, and scents in
CONs:
* No Bluetooth support, will not sync with a smart watch or wireless headphones
* I'd love to see this in a champagne color or maybe customizable lids
This is the best money I've spent in years... I will be buying more of these. 2 thumbs up!
UPDATE: I have dropped my review down to 4 stars. Currently, my left buttock is securely lodged in the seat. While I wait for the fire department to arrive, I wanted to share my further experience with this product. Since I was unable to Facetime for help (less than ideal Wifi access) and had fallen over during my struggle, it wasn't until the mailman found me on the front porch that I was able to call for help. It clearly needs some sort of safety mechanism to prevent cheek lock." -njTSX 
I can't stop laughing while I imagine the skyping and wiping...  What if you skype with explosive diarhea or you are a loud pooper haha..

If you would like to purchase one for your child go here: iPotty with Activity Seat

Accoutrements Inflatable Unicorn Horn

Product Description: Plastic, 11" long when inflated, Great for when your Unicorn Mask isn't available, Unique and flashy....  Hmm sounds like it could be a multiple use sort of product.... 
Your inner-unicorn is screaming to come out at the most inopportune times. What are you supposed to do? The next time you hear that mystical whinny, just take your vinyl Inflatable Unicorn Horn out of its tin, blow it up and put the elastic strap around your head. Suddenly you are a unicorn. Could turn even a short elevator ride into a statement about you being a unicorn. 11" (28 cm) long. Twelve shrink wrapped tins in each illustrated display box.



Top Reviews

"The days of my life were long and dark. I had spent my whole life searching for happiness, but to no avail. I had come to believe life was nothing more than a cruel trick, a void of emptiness. I felt lost and frightened, without love and without hope. Then one day, I found my answer. An inflatable unicorn horn. At first I was unsure: could this really be my answer? I was wrong. It wasn't my answer, it was THE answer. The thing everyone searches for their entire lives, but many do not find. The model wearing the horn beckoned to me. His eyes as blue as the ocean and as enticing as Blue, from Blue's Clues, bathing in a bath of blueberry jellybeans as sapphire encrusted confetti falls from the sky. "Just click it," he seemed to say. I hovered my hand over the 1-click order button. All I wanted was to be carefree and happy, like the man on the cover. That was all I needed. I clicked the button.
Three aggravating and suspenseful days later a package arrived on my doorstep. I hastily ripped away the packaging in a furious storm of excitement. Inside lay a small box. It was no more than a mere five by three inches, yet it held the answer to my sorrow. I blew up the horn with lightning speed, nearly rendering myself unconscious in the process. As I placed it on my head everything changed. It was as though my whole life everything had been static, and now the world was in high-definition. Rainbows burst from the heavens, fireworks exploded in dazzling displays, a small town in Africa had its first rain in a decade, and cancer was miraculously eradicated. For once in my life I felt truly alive. No longer was I the same shell of a man as I was before. My clothes magically became pink and covered in glitter. I had found true happiness. I had found the blue-eyed, pink-sweater-wearing, unicorn-riding man inside of me." -B. Patterson
This is one of the greatest reviews I have ever read to date.

"This thing has changed my life. I was overweight and continually depressed until I splurged on this unicorn horn. Actually I thought I was getting the hot pink sweater and that goofy guy wearing it, too, but no. Just the horn, but still, a wonderful thing. Soon as I put it on I felt 5 pounds slimmer. And my appetite for sweets--poof! Gone! Not to mention it makes me prance around a lot so I continue shedding pounds almost magically! Something about the mythical nature of it has lifted my depression, too. I'd always heard that unicorns were slain so that expensive medicines could be made from their horns, but this is even better, having the whole horn. It's more efficacious than prozac. Let me be clear though: I don't recommend it for those with bi-polar disease, only vanilla clinical depression. Sorry." -A. Reader
What an excellent product, it cures depression and is a weight loss product. 

If you would also like to have your life magically changed go here: Inflatable Unicorn Horn

The Famous Fart Whistle
Oh what a wonderful product description: The Naughty Noise-Maker, Fart, Fart Fart Fart, Fart Fart.  Now on to the awesome reviews.  







Top Reviews
"Contrary to the suggestions of a particular reviewer, this whistle should not be inserted rectally. The benefit of this product is that it is an oral whistle that makes rectal sounds. The instructions explain this but some people are just too busy to read, it seems. It is for this reason that buying this product "used" is not recommended.
You may wonder what some of the benefits of this product may be. There are many.
1) Sometimes you are too tired to fart.
2) Sometimes you fart but the sound is too low to be heard.
3) Excellent way to clear a seat on a crowded bus or train.
4) Recommended way to sing along to a particular John Cage recording 4'33'' .
5) Perfect, easy to carry equipment for campfire camaraderie.
6) Best way to counteract the effects of Beano Beano Food Enzyme Dietary Supplement Drops, 75-Serving Bottles (Pack of 3)" -Wandrwoman
Haha the benefits are priceless.

"I bought this whistle because I wanted to make my husband feel better. He's prone to farting...A LOT. I'm not much of a farter myself. I tried, believe me. Anyway, when I saw this whistle, I thought I would give it a try. What a blessing! Now, whenever my husband farts in public, I join him with my whistle. He doesn't feel so alone in his embarrassment and I feel like a supportive spouse. Awesome product. Well worth the money." -Karen May James
Gotta love a supportive wife :)

If you want your own fart whistle go here: Fart Whistle


In case you missed any of my previous Weird Things For Sale feel free to check them out!

Weird Things For Sale Part 1

Weird Things For Sale Part 2

Weird Things For Sale Part 3

Weird Things For Sale Part 4

Weird Things For Sale Part 5

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 3

It's that time again :)  After my tear-filled blog that I wrote last night I wanted to leave you all with something on the lighter side.  Enjoy! 


In case you missed out on the awesomeness that is: "Channing All Over Your Tatum"

For any of my Jay & Silent Bob fans, here is an uncut version of the interview about the C.L.I.T.

Hahaha dumbass doing pranks about to die for farting ;)

The Trouble with Jeggings

And last but not least: The most awkward cats of 2013

If you missed the first two editions, they can be found at:

Part 1

Part 2

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 2

I figured with 4 days down, it was time to add some humor as we head into Friday :)

First we come to an episode of =3 which a friend of mine showed me.  You really only need to watch the first part of the 3.  This is for all of my Pokemon watching friends.  It is a guess that Pokemon and someone gets a little TOO into it.  The more you watch it, the funnier it gets.  Enjoy

In case anyone has missed one of the earlier episodes of College Humor's Jake & Amir, this has been and will always be one of my all time favorites.  I am still disturbed as to what Jake does in the bedroom after watching this haha.  Enjoy

Since you got to see the Sad Cat Diary last time, I couldn't leave out the Sad Dog Diary :)  I love when the delicious candy in pee flavored sprinkles haha.  

In case you have not yet seen the humor and retardation that is EW!  You have to check out Jimmy Fallon & Channing Tatum int his video haha

Last but not least we come to a funny but sad persona names Francis and his Candy Crush addiction that lead to an expenditure of $380.  Haha  I know this guy is supposed to be acting, but in comparison to his other rant videos, this one seems like it was WAY too real for him, what do you think?

In case you missed the first part of Hilarious YouTube videos and would like to check it out you can just follow this link: Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 1

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 4

I figured it was about that time again for some more weird things for sale on Amazon.  In this edition we will visit the realms of weirdness in pets and in social graces.  Enjoy!

Catnip Bubbles:
 This features a 4 oz bottle that claims to be organic and safe for your cat.  Real catnip is supposedly used int he formula to keep the cats interested. 

Top Reviews:
"My cat loves these bubbles. All I have to say is "Do you want bubbles?" and she comes running out from wherever she may be hiding. She meows and pounces on the bubbles. I am giving them a rating of 4 though because they smell horrible. If they drip on anything white it will turn green, but can easily be cleaned with some water and a sponge!!!!" -Jeanette Ferraro 
*I don't know if I would want something that turned things green and smelled awful....

"I wanted a safe bubble product for my year old cats. I researched the various "pet" bubbles and decided on this one based on product size, cost, and reviews. I received in timely manner in a well packaged box with clear plastic covering the entire bottle. Naturally I smelled the product and did detect a slight spicy scent but a bit of a cleaning product smell as well. The bubble wand is standard as pictured. The bubbles produced are sized from 1" to about 3" in diameter. Just the right size for kitties to play with. They last a substantial amount of time without bursting and do not leave behind any residue that I have detected. I use them on an outside wood porch. Compared to store brand bubbles these are a bit pricey but find these are some of the best bubbles I have ever purchased and worth the price. Also, the ad states the size is 4 oz. but the bottle states it is 5 oz. I think this one bottle will last throughout the summer and fall season being used for a few minutes each day. My kitties loved playing with these and sometimes required hitting the bubble a couple of times before they burst. My one complaint is that this product is distributed by United Pet Group, Inc. in Ohio but the bottle states this product is made in China. I consider this product worth the cost and would definitely make a repeat purchase but will research for a product made in the USA first." -IslandSandy
*I thought it was great to get a more scientific approach. 

You can purchase the bubbles at:Catnip Bubbles

Subtle Butt
I am still laughing just thinking about this one.  Subtle Butt is the name of a product for disposable gas neutralizers.  They are advertised and thin and discrete, self-adhesive to clothing, and come in a 5-pack.  They are also affectionately called fart pads or fart filters.  They claim to effectively filter the odor caused by flatulence. 

Top Reviews:
"I can finally pass gas in peace. I am sick of being judged for my gastrointestinal quirks.  4/5 stars only because these only last about 3-4 hours until I fart them up too much." -J Mason
*Hahahaha, they must be those SBDFs

"I guess they work, but there should be some warnings or instructions that go along with these.  First, they are less effective OUTSIDE your pants.  Second, they are not safe for insertion." -Armedes
*Hahaha I don't even want to know why they tried insertion...

You can check them out yourself at: Subtle Butt disposable neutralizers

Happy Man Bottle Stopper
Now we come to the happy man bottle stopper.  What is the first thing you think of when you think of a happy man?  If you thought of him as horny.... you are right!  That is exactly what this is supposed to be...  although I could debate that if he is happy he wouldn't be much use here and should instead be called the Horny Man Bottle Stopper, but that may have offended people....  He is advertised to be suitable for most types of bottles.   On a plus side you also get to see his little red butt cheeks when he is in use.  The arms and legs sticking out appear to be handy when trying to get him unstuck from the bottle.  Amazon claims that he is ready to "tear that drink open" that's right it says that, I couldn't make that part up if I wanted to haha.


"Okay, bought this as a little birthday gift to go along with some bottles of wine. Functionally, this guy deserves a one star because he is too small to create a seal in most wine bottles, but since everyone thought he was so funny I gave him two. I think the makers of this product need to either enhance his package or use a more rubbery material that can create a seal. Needs more girth."  -Kat
*I think that Kat just called the happy man out on this one haha.

"This little guy is a pervert, but darn, he's cute... And fun! Makes guests laugh when they come over! We enjoy it." -Natalie S. Gregg
*It's ok to be a pervert as long as you are cute ;)

If you want your own perverted little bottle stopper for those times that you need to tear open a drink you can go purchase yours at: Happy Man Bottle Stopper

I Like It Sloppy and Weird Hooded Dog T-shirt
Oh man...  there are so many things wrong with this one.  First of all I get the sloppy part because of course it is a dog and they can be sloppy, but where does the "weird" part come in.  Is it weird to the owner or weird to the dog, or maybe a little bit of both.  Now if that wasn't enough this is a Hoodie T-shirt.  That would be awful even on a human.  Why in the heck are you going to put a hoodie on your dog?   To complete the hoodie ensemble, it does have a pocket although located on the back of the dog, it advertises that this is a good place to put a treat.  Now this is where things could get really funny, depending on your dog and if they can reach the pocket, to see them trying to maneuver around to get the treat out of their pocket, almost as good as chasing their own tail haha.  Although there are not yet any reviews on this product I couldn't help but share it because of the endless possibilities that you could come up with in your mind.  It comes in a variety of sizes as well as colors and even provides the correct way to measure your dog to tell whether you need a terrier or huskier size ;) 

If you want to get one for your dog, or maybe even a small child you can go check it out at:
Warning Sloppy Hooded T

Maybe You Touched Your Genitals: Hand Sanitizer

I thought it would be great to end on a high note with this very pertinent issue with hand sanitizer and valid real world reasons why people may need to use it.  It is advertised as the "#1 after-genital contact hand sanitizer"  In case you aren't one to touch yourself very often, you may find some of the other products are most suitable for you, other offers in the same product line are as follows: Bitch Slap Those Germs, Cleaner Than Shit (Which comes with a warning to use extra if you actually do see shit), Ew., I Love My Penis (This has a warning to not actually apply to your penis area) and You Nasty (advertising that "You ain't the shit if you smell like it"). 

Top Reviews:
"We were extremely pleased with the effectiveness with which this product removed ball smell and general funk from our hands.  My partner however experienced severe burning sensation in the mouth and throat, left eye and a possibly unrelated rash so the burning was probably karma related.  But I would still advise anyone using this product to only use on you hands!" -1waitingfold
*Natural Selection: Before modern medicine this would have already been taken care of...

"I just don't know what to think about this product. This hand-sanitizer appears to be self-aware. It refuses to dispense itself to me unless I touch my genitals before hand. It just will not come out of the container unless I touch them. Now, mind you, I'm not the kind of person who's squeamish about genitals. Given the right situation, I'll touch more than my share. But I really do not see the need to do so just because I want clean hands! I have free will and I choose not to handle my tallywacker before cleaning my hands!  Strangely enough, you don't have to touch your own genitals to get the product to work." -Rich Meyer
*I don't think I really need to say anything here on this one....

If you are having problems washing your hands after touching your genitals, this could be the perfect product for you, check it out: Maybe Touched Your Genitals Soap


In case you missed the previous editions you can find them here:
Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 3

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 2

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 1

Hilarious YouTube Videos Part 1

I would like to drudge up some of the goodies but oldies that may have been missed or Ito brighten up your day with the awesomeness that is the comedic venue otherwise known as YouTube, I mean sure there is all kinds of music and educations and wannabe song re-makers out there, but let's face it, the majority of us spend more time clicking from one hilarious video to another.   I will occasionally showcase some that I have found to be worth sharing :)  Enjoy

In case you missed out on the hilarious perverted awesomeness that is the Tug Toner (the improved version of the shakeweight) here it is for your viewing pleasure!

What to say about the awesomeness that is "Where Is My Goat?"  well for starters I think it is a highly under-rated "music video"  It's one of those videos that the more than you watch it the funnier it gets and so you end up looping it and laughing hysterically...  ok so maybe that is just me, but you should definitely check it out in case you have never seen it before.  

 I definitely couldn't leave out the sad cat diary, which is both sad and hilarious at the same time :)

Then of course we have "Gaming With My Mom" which is too great for words, just watch it and enjoy :)  You will never look at video games the same way again.

 Last but not least, I had to throw in a College Humor video.  One of the greats:  Sensual Harassment.  Just thinking about it make me laugh.

Panda Love!

Pandas!  Some of the cutest creatures on the planet.  I have always loved their black and white color and their huge huggable look.  Their love for bamboo.  How amazing their babies that they are so tiny when they are born and grow so quickly.  Not only are pandas adorable, but they can also be hilarious.  Here are some of my favorite funny things that are associated with Pandas!  Enjoy!





First I want to start you off with the hilarious foreign commercial for panda cheese.  Affectionately titled "Never Say No to Panda"  I have watched this one many times throughout the last few years, and it is still great!  My favorite part is the last one :)

Of course we can't talk about pandas without my mind going to South Park's Sexual Harassment Panda.  In case you haven't had the pleasure of seeing him before, here is his introductory song and dance.   
*This video is on loop for 10 minutes, the actual song is only about 30 seconds, but was the only good quality copy I could find.

More of sexual harassment, and something I still say all the time.  "That makes me a sad panda."  Here is a short clip of some of it, please excuse the poor quality.

 

 

Of course this couldn't be about pandas without some of their adorable tendencies, here are some pandas playing on a chair swing and a slide.

I couldn't talk about the cuteness of pandas if I left out the adorable baby panda sneeze :)

Here is an adorable video of a momma and baby panda playing :)

Of course this blog wouldn't be complete without the panda cam!  It is great to be able to watch the momma and the now one month old baby.  It runs 24 hours, feel free to check it out, and don't get too addicted!

National Zoo Panda Cam

A couple of many awesome panda photos