Sunday, January 26, 2014

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 6

As long as there are weird things for sale and people writing awesome reviews about it, I will continue to have a monthly blog about it.  Here is more of the awesomeness for your viewing pleasure. 

The Mountain Three Wolf Short Sleeve Tee
There are no words for the awesomeness of these reviews.  It is described as This hand dyed tee shirt features a stunning screen print graphic on a preshrunk, 100% cotton tee. Dyed and printed by The Mountain. The Mountain uses only inks and dyes, to bring you an incredibly durable and comfortable garment.  Overall this is a really normal thing if you are into a shirt with wolves on it.

Top Reviews
"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark." -B. Govern

I love how this magical shirt created a happy ending for someone.  Perhaps we all need one...  or maybe it only works on men.

"This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn't walk through the aisles at Wal-Mart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course, without people pointing and saying, "Hey, you're that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren't you?" Even if I wore sunglasses, I'd still get mistaken for Yoko Ono.
But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, "Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He's sooooooo dreamy."
Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is." -George Takei

Hey if this makes George's life better than it makes all our lives better.

If you are interested in purchasing this for yourself her is the link: Mountain Three Wolves Shirt

Unicorns are Jerks: A Coloring Book Exposing the Hard Sparkly Truth
Just the name of the item is epic.  Now on tot he product description: Unicorns think they're so great because they're all mysterious and magical, but they can be real jerks sometimes. This coloring book features eighteen examples of unicorns texting in theaters, farting in elevators, eating your leftovers, and generally acting like jerks.

Top Reviews
"This coloring book saved my business. Our firm was on the verge of hiring a unicorn as our new public relations rep. At first, it seemed like a dream come true, what with his magical rainbow mane and shimmering eyes but then after reading this book, we decided to do a little more digging on our potential new hire. I'm so glad we did! This guy turned out to be a notorious ringleader in a human trafficking scandal! Bad news folks! He was using his irresistable horn to lure young children away into a life of depravity and abuse! We owe everything to this important publication. It's really so much more than a coloring book, it's a public service announcement. Don't trust unicorns! Period!
I think it's about time these menaces to society are revealed for who they really are!" -C. Boustead

How great that this could save a business and help in vetting a potential hire.

"I wish I'd had a coloring book like this as a child. Not only does it teach important lessons about not being a jerk, it shows us that you can't assume that beautiful, magical creatures are as sweet as they appear.
The whimsical artwork is laugh out loud funny, as is the text on each page. You'll have a hard time holding your crayons through all the giggling. A great coloring book for every age." -Gypsy-Maria R. Lorimer
I have to say that I am sold on this based on this review!  I want to giggle while I color!

If you would like to buy this amazing color book follow this link: Unicorns Are Jerks Coloring Book

CTA Digital 2-In-1 iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad
WHY WHY WHY?  But here is the product description. Comfortable and child-friendly potty with activity stand for iPad (2nd, 3rd, and 4th generation) Adjustable stand securely holds and helps protect iPad while kids play Easy to clean with removable inner potty bowl, potty seat and splashguard Clear touchscreen protector guards against smudges and messy hands 360° Rotating stand easily switches between horizontal and vertical views

Top Reviews
"I was really struggling to find a way to rot my child's brain more comprehensively. DVD player at the dinner table, Movies in the car, iPad on our flight, but I never could figure out how to fill the bathroom time with mindless distraction. Thanks iPotty. Now I don't have to talk to my kids at all" -Mark Twain 
 I find myself inclined to agree with Mark Twain here on this one.  Why would our children even need this?  You have to be able to find a way to get your child to go potty without something like this for them to get attached to.  But at least there is a splash guard ;)

"In these times of extreme busyness, you can't help but get frustrated sometimes and think "there's just not enough time in the day!" With this item, your capacity to "get s*** done" is increased exponentially.
* Get s*** done
* Colors are not only pleasing to the eye, but scientifically proven to encourage productivity and movements
* No need to flush, built-in incinerator removes waste after motion sensors detect your absence
* Small enough that you can leave your iPad installed and just carry the whole thing with you
* Can download a free bidet app (although after the trial period, you have to pay for it with an in-app purchase)
* Installing your iPad doesn't cover up the camera lens, for easier multi-tasking (Skyping and wiping?)
* Seat sensor technology detects up to 4 individuals, adjusting seat height and warmth automatically according to programmable presets
* Magnetic smart lid keep animals out, and scents in
* No Bluetooth support, will not sync with a smart watch or wireless headphones
* I'd love to see this in a champagne color or maybe customizable lids
This is the best money I've spent in years... I will be buying more of these. 2 thumbs up!
UPDATE: I have dropped my review down to 4 stars. Currently, my left buttock is securely lodged in the seat. While I wait for the fire department to arrive, I wanted to share my further experience with this product. Since I was unable to Facetime for help (less than ideal Wifi access) and had fallen over during my struggle, it wasn't until the mailman found me on the front porch that I was able to call for help. It clearly needs some sort of safety mechanism to prevent cheek lock." -njTSX 

I can't stop laughing while I imagine the skyping and wiping...  What if you skype with explosive diarhea or you are a loud pooper haha..

If you would like to purchase one for your child go here: iPotty with Activity Seat

Accoutrements Inflatable Unicorn Horn

Product Description: Plastic, 11" long when inflated, Great for when your Unicorn Mask isn't available, Unique and flashy....  Hmm sounds like it could be a multiple use sort of product.... 
Your inner-unicorn is screaming to come out at the most inopportune times. What are you supposed to do? The next time you hear that mystical whinny, just take your vinyl Inflatable Unicorn Horn out of its tin, blow it up and put the elastic strap around your head. Suddenly you are a unicorn. Could turn even a short elevator ride into a statement about you being a unicorn. 11" (28 cm) long. Twelve shrink wrapped tins in each illustrated display box.

Top Reviews

"The days of my life were long and dark. I had spent my whole life searching for happiness, but to no avail. I had come to believe life was nothing more than a cruel trick, a void of emptiness. I felt lost and frightened, without love and without hope. Then one day, I found my answer. An inflatable unicorn horn. At first I was unsure: could this really be my answer? I was wrong. It wasn't my answer, it was THE answer. The thing everyone searches for their entire lives, but many do not find. The model wearing the horn beckoned to me. His eyes as blue as the ocean and as enticing as Blue, from Blue's Clues, bathing in a bath of blueberry jellybeans as sapphire encrusted confetti falls from the sky. "Just click it," he seemed to say. I hovered my hand over the 1-click order button. All I wanted was to be carefree and happy, like the man on the cover. That was all I needed. I clicked the button.
Three aggravating and suspenseful days later a package arrived on my doorstep. I hastily ripped away the packaging in a furious storm of excitement. Inside lay a small box. It was no more than a mere five by three inches, yet it held the answer to my sorrow. I blew up the horn with lightning speed, nearly rendering myself unconscious in the process. As I placed it on my head everything changed. It was as though my whole life everything had been static, and now the world was in high-definition. Rainbows burst from the heavens, fireworks exploded in dazzling displays, a small town in Africa had its first rain in a decade, and cancer was miraculously eradicated. For once in my life I felt truly alive. No longer was I the same shell of a man as I was before. My clothes magically became pink and covered in glitter. I had found true happiness. I had found the blue-eyed, pink-sweater-wearing, unicorn-riding man inside of me." -B. Patterson

This is one of the greatest reviews I have ever read to date.

"This thing has changed my life. I was overweight and continually depressed until I splurged on this unicorn horn. Actually I thought I was getting the hot pink sweater and that goofy guy wearing it, too, but no. Just the horn, but still, a wonderful thing. Soon as I put it on I felt 5 pounds slimmer. And my appetite for sweets--poof! Gone! Not to mention it makes me prance around a lot so I continue shedding pounds almost magically! Something about the mythical nature of it has lifted my depression, too. I'd always heard that unicorns were slain so that expensive medicines could be made from their horns, but this is even better, having the whole horn. It's more efficacious than prozac. Let me be clear though: I don't recommend it for those with bi-polar disease, only vanilla clinical depression. Sorry." -A. Reader
What an excellent product, it cures depression and is a weight loss product. 

If you would also like to have your life magically changed go here: Inflatable Unicorn Horn

The Famous Fart Whistle
Oh what a wonderful product description: The Naughty Noise-Maker, Fart, Fart Fart Fart, Fart Fart.  Now on to the awesome reviews.  

Top Reviews
"Contrary to the suggestions of a particular reviewer, this whistle should not be inserted rectally. The benefit of this product is that it is an oral whistle that makes rectal sounds. The instructions explain this but some people are just too busy to read, it seems. It is for this reason that buying this product "used" is not recommended.
You may wonder what some of the benefits of this product may be. There are many.
1) Sometimes you are too tired to fart.
2) Sometimes you fart but the sound is too low to be heard.
3) Excellent way to clear a seat on a crowded bus or train.
4) Recommended way to sing along to a particular John Cage recording 4'33'' .
5) Perfect, easy to carry equipment for campfire camaraderie.
6) Best way to counteract the effects of Beano Beano Food Enzyme Dietary Supplement Drops, 75-Serving Bottles (Pack of 3)" -Wandrwoman

Haha the benefits are priceless.

"I bought this whistle because I wanted to make my husband feel better. He's prone to farting...A LOT. I'm not much of a farter myself. I tried, believe me. Anyway, when I saw this whistle, I thought I would give it a try. What a blessing! Now, whenever my husband farts in public, I join him with my whistle. He doesn't feel so alone in his embarrassment and I feel like a supportive spouse. Awesome product. Well worth the money." -Karen May James
Gotta love a supportive wife :)

If you want your own fart whistle go here: Fart Whistle

In case you missed any of my previous Weird Things For Sale feel free to check them out!

Weird Things For Sale Part 1

Weird Things For Sale Part 2

Weird Things For Sale Part 3

Weird Things For Sale Part 4

Weird Things For Sale Part 5

1 comment:

  1. New Diet Taps into Pioneering Idea to Help Dieters Lose 20 Pounds in Only 21 Days!