Weird Things For Sale on Amazon: Part 7

As long as people continue to review ordinary objects in an extraordinary way and sell the most random and weird things on Amazon, than I will continue to find the humor in it where I can and bring it to you!  With that being said here are a couple of the awesome products I think you want to know about.  Enjoy!

Will Ferrell's Sexy Hot Tan Sunscreen Benefiting Cancer for College 

Yes, that really is the full name of the product....  reminds me of something that you might find in the movie Zoolander being sold by Ben Stiller's character ;)  Product description is as follows: Are you Sexy? Are You Hot? Then who wouldnt want a sexy, hot tan? This sunscreen is made with our very own streaking strength formula plus one. All of our sunscreen products come in 6 oz bottles and are 30 SPF and provide UVA/UVB broad spectrum protection. 100% of the proceeds from sales go to the Cancer for College Scholarship Fund.  My biggest surprise comes from the fact that this is ACTUALLY a sunscreen, although I tend to wonder what the Cancer for College Scholarship Fun really is....





Top Reviews
"At first shake of the bottle, I could tell immediately that this was no ordinary sunscreen. Me thinks the virile essence of the celebrity, Will Ferrell, magically seeped through the plastic skin to enhance the contents within. The packaging offers a nice firm squirt of liquid without very little remnant left around the bottle cap so I have to say the dispensing of this liquid is a delight in itself.
The texture is much lighter than anticipated. After studying the glowing frame of Will Ferrell on the near-pornographic label, I expected the liquid to also carry with it a similar heft, similar to an anvil. Instead, I was taken aback when I could not only hold the weight of a quarter-sized portion of sunscreen in one hand, but still had the stamina to shift the "suntan lotion" around my palm with my thumb. The texture - smooth and creamy as if it were dug up from an underground layer of marshmellow patches and white rabbit carcasses. (I say 'white' rabbit because we all know the coarse nature of a brown or, dear God, 'mixed' or 'spotted' colored bunny's pelt.)
Much like a fine cognac, this lotion has a beautiful bouquet of aged oak, cinnamon, palm trees, ocean spray raspberry fruit juice, and beach sweat. I can only hope they extracted the strong, pungent smell of beach volleyball sweat from the fine actor representing this bottle. To think they would have used the sweat of a lesser man, Dermot Mulroney or Dylan McDermott for instance, would leave me in tears.
In use, this product does what it claims to do... protects you from the harmful UV rays of the sun and prevents you from achieving any semblance of a tan. Rumors that it attracts mythological creatures such as Griffons and the like are probably untrue. I didn't see more than one minotaur since I've been wearing this sunscreen - and I apply it generously to my bodice every day, even if I am staying indoors. And come to think of it, the one minotaur I did see could have been the Schwan's foodservice delivery guy.
I highly recommend this sunscreen to anyone looking to be safe, pale, and sought-after." -Joseph P. Webb
Oh how I love the reviews of this person, I was wondering if we would find out more about the creamy liquid on the inside.  And now we also know the results, smell and effectiveness.  Superb review of the product in my opinion. 

"Will Ferrell introduced this product on the June 9 Jimmy Fallon Show. It's real live suntan lotion. If you can stand the sort of Coppertone baby look of Will, this is a great bottle of suntan lotion.
The proceeds all go to Cancer For College, a charity that supports survivors of cancer that wish to attend college. It's well worth visiting cancerforcollege dot org."  Daniel G. Lebryk 
Perhaps not quite so humor and knowledgeable of a review, but it answers my cancerforcollege question and legitimizes the reality of this product!  So now we know, it IS real!

If you would like to buy your own cancer for college sunscreen go here: Sexy Hot Tan Sunscreen

The Mountain Unicorn Castle T-Shirt

Not to be confused with the awesomeness that is the 3 Wolves Howling at the Moon shirt.  This one takes on a whole other energy!  It comes with a straight forward product description: This is a 100% Cotton T-shirt featuring a unicorn in front of a castle with a rainbow!!  What more do you need to do.  Everything appears to be awesome....  and just when you think that there is nothing awesomer (yes it is a word according to me) than a unicorn and a castle and rainbow on ONE shirt....  just wait until you hear some of the eye-witness accounts of reviewers.




Top Reviews
"I should probably preface this review by stating the obvious: This shirt is clearly meant for people who aren't serious about our one-horned magic friends. I mean, the shirt's fabric construction and lavender color base are terrific, and as a casual-Friday garment, hey, it's better than a stupid Polo shirt. But the devil, as they say, is in the details, so caveat emptor!
First, the grass pictured is quite clearly Italian Ryegrass, and as everyone knows, unicorns prefer to frolic in Dog's Tooth Grass. Second, notice the gray spots on the unicorn's rear flank; are they patterned to look like a fairy? I think not. Third, why is the tip of the unicorn's horn glowing like some defective reindeer's nose??? We all know the horn is pure gold, but if the illustrator was trying to convey this specific coloration, then the whole horn should shine, not just the tip! Fourth, while unicorns transcend space and time, they do NOT exist in a world where it's day AND night simultaneously! A beautiful rainbow AND pretty stars? I mean, who approved this? It's like the shirt's maker is just mocking me...I'll bet he thinks taking Raggedy Ann to one's prom is lame too!!! Fine, shirt guy -- just go ahead and pick me last in dodgeball and tell my parents how I cried in woodshop when the teacher told me to "keep my wood to myself" and I didn't know he was talking about my erection which I couldn't help anyway because I thought about that one episode of The Partridge Family!!!
Anyway, on balance, the shirt's fine for kids and people of lesser unicorn expertise; don't expect too much and you'll be happy with your purchase, just like I was when I bought that ghost costume in Alabama last summer. People really freaked out when I wore that, and it wasn't even Halloween!" -T. Guymon
T Guymon (whom I get the feeling is a man) really schools The Mountain company (maker of this awesome shirt) with his unicorn knowledge.  Obviously The Mountain did not pay attention to detail in a way that they should.  This is quite a helpful review if you are concerned with authenticity and don't want to get made fun of by your friends due to nitpicking.  This could make or break the sale.

"Thank you The Mountain for developing such an amazing product. The first night I wore my Unicorn shirt, I successfully awoke the magic you had woven in to its fibers. Shortly after, I was transported to a higher realm in the etheric, where i met Angel's (my unicorn) family and friends. I have to warn you though, Unicorns behave very similarly to sexually frustrated dolphins. I soon wore out my welcome and returned to my body, feeling very shaky and hungry. I ate an entire bag of nacho cheese doritos. Since then, everything smells like Nacho Cheese Doritos. The Mountain, do you know why this is? Is this some cruel unicorn joke?" -MK
MK gives a great review with a fair warning to possible experiences that can be had just by putting the shirt on.  Other reviews seemed to be more concerned with the fact that this shirt was for woman and that men were trying to take it over to attract woman (which according to several reviewers proved effective).  But not MK, MK just tells it like it is.  Thank you for sharing your experience with us. 

If you would like to experience for yourself you can purchase the unicorn shirt here: Unicorn Castle T-Shirt

Images You Should Not Masturbate To

The title of this book is quite self explanatory.  However, I would like to note that it is available in both paperback and Kindle format.  So you can take it with you wherever you go if you ever need to stifle your libido!  It's description is as follows: Better than a cold shower-and a lot funnier.
Choke the chicken, spank the monkey, charm the snake-however you refer to it, none of the images in this book will encourage you to pleasure yourself. This deceptively simple and strangely addictive book presents a laugh-out-loud collection of random pictures virtually guaranteed to dampen the urge of even the strongest libido.  So there you have it.  Do you really need anything more to be convinced? 





Top Reviews
"I own an extensive collection of pornographical books and videos and I am proud to say it is the only genre I read. Despite what the title says about the book being loaded with images that you shouldn't masturbate to, I bought it anyways to see how the rest of the world lives through reading a single page without the aide of some good old self love. Much to my surprise, I found that this book is actually one of the kinkiest collections of pornography I have ever laid eyes on. Just look at that man on the cover for example. One of my (many) fetishes happens to be naked old men chopping through ice with axes. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the cover of this very book caters to this specific taste. Thank you so much to authors Johnson and Hibbert for this amazing book" -MToons
My mind was literally blown (pun intended?) when I read this review!  How could someone have such sick fetishes as to want to masturbate to a book that is clearly designs to help you not.  Obviously this person is beyond simple self-help books and needs serious counseling.  

"I own an extensive collection of pornographical books and videos and I am proud to say it is the only genre I read. Despite what the title says about the book being loaded with images that you shouldn't masturbate to, I bought it anyways to see how the rest of the world lives through reading a single page without the aide of some good old self love. Much to my surprise, I found that this book is actually one of the kinkiest collections of pornography I have ever laid eyes on. Just look at that man on the cover for example. One of my (many) fetishes happens to be naked old men chopping through ice with axes. Imagine my surprise when I saw that the cover of this very book caters to this specific taste. Thank you so much to authors Johnson and Hibbert for this amazing book." -Alon A. Aloni
Thank you to Alon for informing us that this self-help book for the chronic masturbater can actually also be said to haev the reverse affect on someone with a masturbation problem.  Genius! 

If you have a problem with too much masturbation and would like to start with a self-help book, or if you have a problem with lack of masturbation than this book is for you, buy it here: Images You Should Not Masturbate To

Come Poop With Me (CD & DVD)

Wow, just the title....  and then you see that it is a legitimate product featuring Triumph the Insult Dog.  He had his moments but not sure if I could see the need for a CD & DVD or even one of them....  I mean I know that Pooping can be multifaceted....  but with other people...  is this some sort of sick fetish product?  The product review is as follows: From Late Night With Conan O'Brien to the VMA's on MTV, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog has pooped his way to stardom. Now Triumph debuts on album with Come Poop With Me, a doggie bag of filthy and hilarious new songs, sketches and interviews, featuring Triumph.





 Top Reviews
"Look. You know who Triumph is. Robert Smigel is a comedy genius. He proves it time and time again from his days on Conan O'Brien to his "Saturday TV Funhouse" films on SNL. This is the first salvo in what I expect to be the Smigel Wave Of Comedy Delight for hopefully years to come.
Let's start with the DVD. It is brilliance, defined. This disc is a live performance taped at New York's famed Irving Plaza, and it is insane! Ok, some may not love seeing a brown tinged "roundworm" singing a duet with a puppet dog. But Triumph's greatest triumphs are his interviewing skills, especially with a stuffed shirt like MTVs ancient newscaster Kurt Loder and his tatted up protege, Iann "Robertson" (as the dog insists on calling him). Moments like those are the most hilarious, and make the disc worth the price all by itself! Toss in the interview with the "Dude, you're getting a Dell" guy, forced to share the stage with the "I lost weight by eating at Subway" guy, and you have some seriously scintillating entertainment!
In a world that's filled with PC commentary, it takes an insult comic dog to refocus our lives on what really matters: the poop.
My only real complaint is that the video for the single, "I Keed" wasn't included here, though the audio version of it is. The CD features the studio versions of many of the bits as seen on the DVD, plus a few others. A bit redundant, maybe, but still just as good!
Don't let the humorless fool you! It's all great and gets a canine out of ten from me!" -Dean Anderson
Well thanks to Dean Anderson for sharing the "Straight Poop" with us and a canine out of ten...  does that equate to less than one? 

"I give my thanks to Triumph the Insult Comic Dog for his songs. My favorite song "I Keed" is really funny. I don't know what else to say! If you don't like the CD, I'll let Triumph POOP ON YOU!!!" -Cherry Berry
Short and simple, and tot he point...  with the title of it being a great CD for them to poop on...  seems a little contradictory to me. 

In case you want to poop with Triumph, be pooped on by Triumph or just want to Poop on the CD you can buy it here: Come Poop With Me

Redneck Rain Gauge

You have to see it to understand the ridiculousness of the product but it is designed to look like a used condom that collects water...  Although I sincerely hope it is unused....  It is described as:Hilarious rain gauge looks like a condom with measurement marks that are printed with sayings like "2 Inches - Just A Little Squirt!" and "3 Inches - Made A Wet Spot!". Now that's funny right there.  Adult humor (and don't worry, it's not a real or used condom). About 7" long and includes clothespin.  Good at least that clears that up AND it comes with a clothespin...  totally worth it!






Top Reviews
"It is small, at least much smaller than the picture makes it seem at first glance, but once you pay attention to the pic it fits. Maybe a little under 5in long. Even comes with the clothes pin pictured.
It probably won't last very long, but it isn't really meant to. The main reason I knocked off a star is because it has a yellow tinge to it. Nothing horrible, but not exactly as pictured. Other than that(besides the photo making it seem bigger) it's what I expected." -G. Davis
I feel like G Davis had overly high expectations and kept talking about it wasn't as big as she expected...  I wonder if they make different types, such as Magnum or XL that would appease her more....

"This is about 3 inches and it is really cheap looking. I got it for a gag gift and it served its purpose though." -Mary_Johnson
Well I feel like this product description must have definitely been written by a man over exaggerating saying it is 7" when we get one woman saying it is only 3 and another one saying just under 5....   Either way, you don't seem to get what you pay for. 

If you still want your condom rain gauge you can purchase it here: Redneck Rain Gauge


In case you have missed the previous and also awesome weird things for sale on amazon they can be found here:

Weird Things For Sale Part 1

Weird Things For Sale Part 2

Weird Things For Sale Part 3

Weird Things For Sale Part 4

Weird Things For Sale Part 5

Weird Things For Sale Part 6

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 6

As long as there are weird things for sale and people writing awesome reviews about it, I will continue to have a monthly blog about it.  Here is more of the awesomeness for your viewing pleasure. 

The Mountain Three Wolf Short Sleeve Tee

There are no words for the awesomeness of these reviews.  It is described as This hand dyed tee shirt features a stunning screen print graphic on a preshrunk, 100% cotton tee. Dyed and printed by The Mountain. The Mountain uses only inks and dyes, to bring you an incredibly durable and comfortable garment.  Overall this is a really normal thing if you are into a shirt with wolves on it.






Top Reviews
"This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him.
I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
Pros: Fits my girthy frame, has wolves on it, attracts women
Cons: Only 3 wolves (could probably use a few more on the 'guns'), cannot see wolves when sitting with arms crossed, wolves would have been better if they glowed in the dark." -B. Govern
I love how this magical shirt created a happy ending for someone.  Perhaps we all need one...  or maybe it only works on men.

"This shirt has changed my life! Before, I couldn't walk through the aisles at Wal-Mart, graze on the buffet at Sizzler, or even take in a round at my local miniature golf course, without people pointing and saying, "Hey, you're that Zulu guy from Star Wars, aren't you?" Even if I wore sunglasses, I'd still get mistaken for Yoko Ono.
But with The Mountain Three Wolf Moon Short Sleeve Tee, the SHIRT now draws the eye. One young teen even shyly approached me, and instead of asking for a picture or an autograph, simply smiled conspiratorially and whispered, "Team Jacob, right? Me, too. He's sooooooo dreamy."
Yes he is, young lady. Yes. He. Is." -George Takei
Hey if this makes George's life better than it makes all our lives better.

If you are interested in purchasing this for yourself her is the link: Mountain Three Wolves Shirt

Unicorns are Jerks: A Coloring Book Exposing the Hard Sparkly Truth

Just the name of the item is epic.  Now on tot he product description: Unicorns think they're so great because they're all mysterious and magical, but they can be real jerks sometimes. This coloring book features eighteen examples of unicorns texting in theaters, farting in elevators, eating your leftovers, and generally acting like jerks.








Top Reviews
"This coloring book saved my business. Our firm was on the verge of hiring a unicorn as our new public relations rep. At first, it seemed like a dream come true, what with his magical rainbow mane and shimmering eyes but then after reading this book, we decided to do a little more digging on our potential new hire. I'm so glad we did! This guy turned out to be a notorious ringleader in a human trafficking scandal! Bad news folks! He was using his irresistable horn to lure young children away into a life of depravity and abuse! We owe everything to this important publication. It's really so much more than a coloring book, it's a public service announcement. Don't trust unicorns! Period!
I think it's about time these menaces to society are revealed for who they really are!" -C. Boustead
How great that this could save a business and help in vetting a potential hire.

"I wish I'd had a coloring book like this as a child. Not only does it teach important lessons about not being a jerk, it shows us that you can't assume that beautiful, magical creatures are as sweet as they appear.
The whimsical artwork is laugh out loud funny, as is the text on each page. You'll have a hard time holding your crayons through all the giggling. A great coloring book for every age." -Gypsy-Maria R. Lorimer 
I have to say that I am sold on this based on this review!  I want to giggle while I color!

If you would like to buy this amazing color book follow this link: Unicorns Are Jerks Coloring Book

CTA Digital 2-In-1 iPotty with Activity Seat for iPad

WHY WHY WHY?  But here is the product description. Comfortable and child-friendly potty with activity stand for iPad (2nd, 3rd, and 4th generation) Adjustable stand securely holds and helps protect iPad while kids play Easy to clean with removable inner potty bowl, potty seat and splashguard Clear touchscreen protector guards against smudges and messy hands 360° Rotating stand easily switches between horizontal and vertical views








Top Reviews
"I was really struggling to find a way to rot my child's brain more comprehensively. DVD player at the dinner table, Movies in the car, iPad on our flight, but I never could figure out how to fill the bathroom time with mindless distraction. Thanks iPotty. Now I don't have to talk to my kids at all" -Mark Twain 
 I find myself inclined to agree with Mark Twain here on this one.  Why would our children even need this?  You have to be able to find a way to get your child to go potty without something like this for them to get attached to.  But at least there is a splash guard ;)

"In these times of extreme busyness, you can't help but get frustrated sometimes and think "there's just not enough time in the day!" With this item, your capacity to "get s*** done" is increased exponentially.
PROs:
* Get s*** done
* Colors are not only pleasing to the eye, but scientifically proven to encourage productivity and movements
* No need to flush, built-in incinerator removes waste after motion sensors detect your absence
* Small enough that you can leave your iPad installed and just carry the whole thing with you
* Can download a free bidet app (although after the trial period, you have to pay for it with an in-app purchase)
* Installing your iPad doesn't cover up the camera lens, for easier multi-tasking (Skyping and wiping?)
* Seat sensor technology detects up to 4 individuals, adjusting seat height and warmth automatically according to programmable presets
* Magnetic smart lid keep animals out, and scents in
CONs:
* No Bluetooth support, will not sync with a smart watch or wireless headphones
* I'd love to see this in a champagne color or maybe customizable lids
This is the best money I've spent in years... I will be buying more of these. 2 thumbs up!
UPDATE: I have dropped my review down to 4 stars. Currently, my left buttock is securely lodged in the seat. While I wait for the fire department to arrive, I wanted to share my further experience with this product. Since I was unable to Facetime for help (less than ideal Wifi access) and had fallen over during my struggle, it wasn't until the mailman found me on the front porch that I was able to call for help. It clearly needs some sort of safety mechanism to prevent cheek lock." -njTSX 
I can't stop laughing while I imagine the skyping and wiping...  What if you skype with explosive diarhea or you are a loud pooper haha..

If you would like to purchase one for your child go here: iPotty with Activity Seat

Accoutrements Inflatable Unicorn Horn

Product Description: Plastic, 11" long when inflated, Great for when your Unicorn Mask isn't available, Unique and flashy....  Hmm sounds like it could be a multiple use sort of product.... 
Your inner-unicorn is screaming to come out at the most inopportune times. What are you supposed to do? The next time you hear that mystical whinny, just take your vinyl Inflatable Unicorn Horn out of its tin, blow it up and put the elastic strap around your head. Suddenly you are a unicorn. Could turn even a short elevator ride into a statement about you being a unicorn. 11" (28 cm) long. Twelve shrink wrapped tins in each illustrated display box.



Top Reviews

"The days of my life were long and dark. I had spent my whole life searching for happiness, but to no avail. I had come to believe life was nothing more than a cruel trick, a void of emptiness. I felt lost and frightened, without love and without hope. Then one day, I found my answer. An inflatable unicorn horn. At first I was unsure: could this really be my answer? I was wrong. It wasn't my answer, it was THE answer. The thing everyone searches for their entire lives, but many do not find. The model wearing the horn beckoned to me. His eyes as blue as the ocean and as enticing as Blue, from Blue's Clues, bathing in a bath of blueberry jellybeans as sapphire encrusted confetti falls from the sky. "Just click it," he seemed to say. I hovered my hand over the 1-click order button. All I wanted was to be carefree and happy, like the man on the cover. That was all I needed. I clicked the button.
Three aggravating and suspenseful days later a package arrived on my doorstep. I hastily ripped away the packaging in a furious storm of excitement. Inside lay a small box. It was no more than a mere five by three inches, yet it held the answer to my sorrow. I blew up the horn with lightning speed, nearly rendering myself unconscious in the process. As I placed it on my head everything changed. It was as though my whole life everything had been static, and now the world was in high-definition. Rainbows burst from the heavens, fireworks exploded in dazzling displays, a small town in Africa had its first rain in a decade, and cancer was miraculously eradicated. For once in my life I felt truly alive. No longer was I the same shell of a man as I was before. My clothes magically became pink and covered in glitter. I had found true happiness. I had found the blue-eyed, pink-sweater-wearing, unicorn-riding man inside of me." -B. Patterson
This is one of the greatest reviews I have ever read to date.

"This thing has changed my life. I was overweight and continually depressed until I splurged on this unicorn horn. Actually I thought I was getting the hot pink sweater and that goofy guy wearing it, too, but no. Just the horn, but still, a wonderful thing. Soon as I put it on I felt 5 pounds slimmer. And my appetite for sweets--poof! Gone! Not to mention it makes me prance around a lot so I continue shedding pounds almost magically! Something about the mythical nature of it has lifted my depression, too. I'd always heard that unicorns were slain so that expensive medicines could be made from their horns, but this is even better, having the whole horn. It's more efficacious than prozac. Let me be clear though: I don't recommend it for those with bi-polar disease, only vanilla clinical depression. Sorry." -A. Reader
What an excellent product, it cures depression and is a weight loss product. 

If you would also like to have your life magically changed go here: Inflatable Unicorn Horn

The Famous Fart Whistle
Oh what a wonderful product description: The Naughty Noise-Maker, Fart, Fart Fart Fart, Fart Fart.  Now on to the awesome reviews.  







Top Reviews
"Contrary to the suggestions of a particular reviewer, this whistle should not be inserted rectally. The benefit of this product is that it is an oral whistle that makes rectal sounds. The instructions explain this but some people are just too busy to read, it seems. It is for this reason that buying this product "used" is not recommended.
You may wonder what some of the benefits of this product may be. There are many.
1) Sometimes you are too tired to fart.
2) Sometimes you fart but the sound is too low to be heard.
3) Excellent way to clear a seat on a crowded bus or train.
4) Recommended way to sing along to a particular John Cage recording 4'33'' .
5) Perfect, easy to carry equipment for campfire camaraderie.
6) Best way to counteract the effects of Beano Beano Food Enzyme Dietary Supplement Drops, 75-Serving Bottles (Pack of 3)" -Wandrwoman
Haha the benefits are priceless.

"I bought this whistle because I wanted to make my husband feel better. He's prone to farting...A LOT. I'm not much of a farter myself. I tried, believe me. Anyway, when I saw this whistle, I thought I would give it a try. What a blessing! Now, whenever my husband farts in public, I join him with my whistle. He doesn't feel so alone in his embarrassment and I feel like a supportive spouse. Awesome product. Well worth the money." -Karen May James
Gotta love a supportive wife :)

If you want your own fart whistle go here: Fart Whistle


In case you missed any of my previous Weird Things For Sale feel free to check them out!

Weird Things For Sale Part 1

Weird Things For Sale Part 2

Weird Things For Sale Part 3

Weird Things For Sale Part 4

Weird Things For Sale Part 5

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 4

I figured it was about that time again for some more weird things for sale on Amazon.  In this edition we will visit the realms of weirdness in pets and in social graces.  Enjoy!

Catnip Bubbles:
 This features a 4 oz bottle that claims to be organic and safe for your cat.  Real catnip is supposedly used int he formula to keep the cats interested. 

Top Reviews:
"My cat loves these bubbles. All I have to say is "Do you want bubbles?" and she comes running out from wherever she may be hiding. She meows and pounces on the bubbles. I am giving them a rating of 4 though because they smell horrible. If they drip on anything white it will turn green, but can easily be cleaned with some water and a sponge!!!!" -Jeanette Ferraro 
*I don't know if I would want something that turned things green and smelled awful....

"I wanted a safe bubble product for my year old cats. I researched the various "pet" bubbles and decided on this one based on product size, cost, and reviews. I received in timely manner in a well packaged box with clear plastic covering the entire bottle. Naturally I smelled the product and did detect a slight spicy scent but a bit of a cleaning product smell as well. The bubble wand is standard as pictured. The bubbles produced are sized from 1" to about 3" in diameter. Just the right size for kitties to play with. They last a substantial amount of time without bursting and do not leave behind any residue that I have detected. I use them on an outside wood porch. Compared to store brand bubbles these are a bit pricey but find these are some of the best bubbles I have ever purchased and worth the price. Also, the ad states the size is 4 oz. but the bottle states it is 5 oz. I think this one bottle will last throughout the summer and fall season being used for a few minutes each day. My kitties loved playing with these and sometimes required hitting the bubble a couple of times before they burst. My one complaint is that this product is distributed by United Pet Group, Inc. in Ohio but the bottle states this product is made in China. I consider this product worth the cost and would definitely make a repeat purchase but will research for a product made in the USA first." -IslandSandy
*I thought it was great to get a more scientific approach. 

You can purchase the bubbles at:Catnip Bubbles

Subtle Butt
I am still laughing just thinking about this one.  Subtle Butt is the name of a product for disposable gas neutralizers.  They are advertised and thin and discrete, self-adhesive to clothing, and come in a 5-pack.  They are also affectionately called fart pads or fart filters.  They claim to effectively filter the odor caused by flatulence. 

Top Reviews:
"I can finally pass gas in peace. I am sick of being judged for my gastrointestinal quirks.  4/5 stars only because these only last about 3-4 hours until I fart them up too much." -J Mason
*Hahahaha, they must be those SBDFs

"I guess they work, but there should be some warnings or instructions that go along with these.  First, they are less effective OUTSIDE your pants.  Second, they are not safe for insertion." -Armedes
*Hahaha I don't even want to know why they tried insertion...

You can check them out yourself at: Subtle Butt disposable neutralizers

Happy Man Bottle Stopper
Now we come to the happy man bottle stopper.  What is the first thing you think of when you think of a happy man?  If you thought of him as horny.... you are right!  That is exactly what this is supposed to be...  although I could debate that if he is happy he wouldn't be much use here and should instead be called the Horny Man Bottle Stopper, but that may have offended people....  He is advertised to be suitable for most types of bottles.   On a plus side you also get to see his little red butt cheeks when he is in use.  The arms and legs sticking out appear to be handy when trying to get him unstuck from the bottle.  Amazon claims that he is ready to "tear that drink open" that's right it says that, I couldn't make that part up if I wanted to haha.


"Okay, bought this as a little birthday gift to go along with some bottles of wine. Functionally, this guy deserves a one star because he is too small to create a seal in most wine bottles, but since everyone thought he was so funny I gave him two. I think the makers of this product need to either enhance his package or use a more rubbery material that can create a seal. Needs more girth."  -Kat
*I think that Kat just called the happy man out on this one haha.

"This little guy is a pervert, but darn, he's cute... And fun! Makes guests laugh when they come over! We enjoy it." -Natalie S. Gregg
*It's ok to be a pervert as long as you are cute ;)

If you want your own perverted little bottle stopper for those times that you need to tear open a drink you can go purchase yours at: Happy Man Bottle Stopper

I Like It Sloppy and Weird Hooded Dog T-shirt
Oh man...  there are so many things wrong with this one.  First of all I get the sloppy part because of course it is a dog and they can be sloppy, but where does the "weird" part come in.  Is it weird to the owner or weird to the dog, or maybe a little bit of both.  Now if that wasn't enough this is a Hoodie T-shirt.  That would be awful even on a human.  Why in the heck are you going to put a hoodie on your dog?   To complete the hoodie ensemble, it does have a pocket although located on the back of the dog, it advertises that this is a good place to put a treat.  Now this is where things could get really funny, depending on your dog and if they can reach the pocket, to see them trying to maneuver around to get the treat out of their pocket, almost as good as chasing their own tail haha.  Although there are not yet any reviews on this product I couldn't help but share it because of the endless possibilities that you could come up with in your mind.  It comes in a variety of sizes as well as colors and even provides the correct way to measure your dog to tell whether you need a terrier or huskier size ;) 

If you want to get one for your dog, or maybe even a small child you can go check it out at:
Warning Sloppy Hooded T

Maybe You Touched Your Genitals: Hand Sanitizer

I thought it would be great to end on a high note with this very pertinent issue with hand sanitizer and valid real world reasons why people may need to use it.  It is advertised as the "#1 after-genital contact hand sanitizer"  In case you aren't one to touch yourself very often, you may find some of the other products are most suitable for you, other offers in the same product line are as follows: Bitch Slap Those Germs, Cleaner Than Shit (Which comes with a warning to use extra if you actually do see shit), Ew., I Love My Penis (This has a warning to not actually apply to your penis area) and You Nasty (advertising that "You ain't the shit if you smell like it"). 

Top Reviews:
"We were extremely pleased with the effectiveness with which this product removed ball smell and general funk from our hands.  My partner however experienced severe burning sensation in the mouth and throat, left eye and a possibly unrelated rash so the burning was probably karma related.  But I would still advise anyone using this product to only use on you hands!" -1waitingfold
*Natural Selection: Before modern medicine this would have already been taken care of...

"I just don't know what to think about this product. This hand-sanitizer appears to be self-aware. It refuses to dispense itself to me unless I touch my genitals before hand. It just will not come out of the container unless I touch them. Now, mind you, I'm not the kind of person who's squeamish about genitals. Given the right situation, I'll touch more than my share. But I really do not see the need to do so just because I want clean hands! I have free will and I choose not to handle my tallywacker before cleaning my hands!  Strangely enough, you don't have to touch your own genitals to get the product to work." -Rich Meyer
*I don't think I really need to say anything here on this one....

If you are having problems washing your hands after touching your genitals, this could be the perfect product for you, check it out: Maybe Touched Your Genitals Soap


In case you missed the previous editions you can find them here:
Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 3

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 2

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 1

Creamy Pumpkin Pork Loinchops Recipe

Weirdly delicious, great use of ingredients that I needed to use up.

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp Butter

2 Pork Loins

Seasoning (Tarragon, Basil, Montreal Steak Mix)

1/2 Cup Pumpkin Puree

1/2 Tbsp Mascarpone

1/3 Cup Cream

Dash of Cinnamon 

Directions: 

Add the butter to a skillet and add the pork, season generously.  Once thoroughly browned (about 10 minutes) add the remaining ingredients.  Cook on Low until mixed and warm.  Serve by spooning the pumpkin sauce over the pork and adding a touch of cinnamon & tarragon to the top.  Enjoy!

Add the pork, butter and seasoning to the skillet

Add the remaining ingredients tot he skillet

Mix the sauce thoroughly

Serve & Enjoy!

Weird Things For Sale on Amazon Part 3

In case you have missed the previous awesome articles about Weird things for sale on Amazon you can find Part 2 at Weird Things Part 2 and Part 1 at Weird Things Part 1.

Tonight's version of Weird Things for sale is kicked off by a great suggestion from a friend with her asking me to look up a Shewee....  Now this product is a great starter, but I decided to use a similar product the "Go Girl" since it seems to be more versatile and have more add-ons.  In case you are like me and had NO idea what a shewee was, let me introduce you to the Go Girl. 

Go Girl Female Urination Device
In case that title didn't give you enough details, This urination device is able to be worn around your neck on a lanyard.  It comes with baggies and wipes.  The product description isn't overly detailed, I
guess the assumption was made that the title should really tell you all that you need to know.  So let's head to a few reviews to see what people had to say about this product. 

Top Reviews:
"I peed standing up; three times! Let me explain. I go hiking and off-roading frequently and there is always the issue of having to find a secluded place off the trail where I can drop trou and pee. It gets really annoying; not to mention the danger to my naughty bits (poison oak, ivy, spiders and mosquitos). There is the added awesomeness of not having to squat over a nasty public toilet for those of you that attend concerts or other large public access events/places. So I purchased (from Amazon) three different brands of "female urinary tools". The Urinelle (pack of 7 for $14.03), the P-mate (pack of 5 for $6.79) and the Go-Girl (1 with carrying case for $13.95). The Urinelle looks like a slightly altered paper cone you would normally see next to a water dispenser; it is bio-degradable but I felt was the least effective (I was also laughing really hard so I will use this brand again to confirm). The P-Mate is also bio-degradable, made of a thin cardboard and trapezoid-like in shape it was user friendly and you can dispose of it in a port-a-potty or pit toilet. It also folds in half or lies flat for convenient carrying. The Go-Girl is made of latex and reusable, and very easy to use. Over all I recommend the Go-Girl since you never have to worry about having one on hand for those spontaneous walks/rides in nature. Now I can just stand off in the trees like the guys do and maybe even write my name in the snow. "  -Zz Norton
*I am still a little confused after this review, do you pee into a bag or does the pee just come right out when you go.  It seems like there is a slight bit of Freudism here and also a large bit of germophobe, I can definitely see how it can come in handy though.  I have to laugh that the most used public place she could think of was a concert (she must have had a bad experience at some point haha. 

"I loved having the carrying case and wipes that this came with. I attempted to get the funnel back into the plastic tube it came in, and despite following the instructional video on their website, struggled. The pink tube is larger, easy to get the product in, and nice and discreet as it sits in my purse. The device itself is a soft, flexible funnel, and I was able to use it without problems on the first try. I was wary of just "letting it flow" based off of reviews indicating that some people have had overflow when urine didn't exit the little spout fast enough--it appeared to drain quickly, and was incredibly clean. I love the product (I hike and bike in all sorts of areas that don't have restrooms), and definitely like this little set as a starting place. -J. Shelton"
*I always love an honest review, and I think that this one answered my previous questions...

You can check it out for yourself at:Go Girl Female Urination Device 


Braza Secret Stash Detachable Bra Pocket
 I am guessing that it is pronounced like A-Ha as in you just discovered something haha.  It is "A lingerie pocket that attaches to the plunge of your bra, the hip of your panties, or your bra's wing" although it does require hand washing.  

Top Reviews:
"Bought this for my trip to Brazil. Best idea ever! Those stupid travelers belts that go around your waist are super uncomfortable, especially in 105 degree heat. The bra wallet is much more comfortable, and while you can't fit your passport in it, you really don't need to have your passports with you all the time. Plus it's a bit more subtle to quickly flip it out of your boobs than to have to lift up your whole shirt with a belt. Another advantage of the bra wallet over the waist belt is that you can wear under everything! (some low cut tops are problematic) But dresses are no problem. I imagine turtlenecks might pose a problem... but who wears turtlenecks anyways?
Downsides include, occasionally people can see it, especially if you're wearing something tight or low cut, or bend over. And when you have to get your money out, it can be awkward, or when you have to strap it back in. The plus of this, is that even if people can tell where your money is, they probably won't be able to steal it.
Also, if you have too much stuff in it, (cards/change/ect) the bulge can be quite noticeable.
Additionally, if you have small breasts, this might not be the product for you. I don't know, if you only kept cash in it, it would probably be fine. It's pretty thin just by itself.
Overall, I recommend! Well priced, and very very handy." -sarah
* As someone who is constantly storing stuff in her bra, I actually think this is an excellent product idea, and would totally try it out.

"I am pleased with this little "bra pocket". I placed it by my hip, on my pantie, under my jeans. I can barely feel it is there. I can easily fit 5 paper bills in cash, folded in half- the pocket can stretch slightly, and 3 credit cards. I'm sure I could actually fit more cash, since the pocket is stretchy, but that is what fits comfortably. I did not try it on my bra, since I wear a sports bra, and I didn't think it would work out well with this. I did place a safety pin over the velcro closure, including the flap, since I didn't quite trust velcro to secure my valubles. I could not feel the safety pin. ( which of course is optional)" -Nicketti
* I definitely appreciate the thoroughly descriptive review that Nicketti gave here with exactly how much can be stored in it.  Overall not THAT weird, and actually somewhat useful.

You can buy it at Braza Secret Stash Detachable Pocket

Runny Nose Shower Dispenser Gel
I have seen this one multiple times in my past browsing for weird things for sale on Amazon but it always kind of grossed me out, so I decided not to write about it until now.  I know I am over thinking the visuals here but ewww.   The features are as follows: "A funny nose shaped shower gel dispenser. Just squeeze the nose, and gel will ooze out from the right nostril."  I have to wonder, why
only the right nostril, seems weird to me.

Top Reviews:
"My teenager saw this online and couldn't stop talking about having it in his shower so I purchased it as a Christmas gift. (far be it for me to negate what he finds humorous despite how goofy it might be!) He was excited to put it up and try it out, and did so right after opening it. Half an hour later we went to check it out again and it had leaked the soap inside of it all down the wall of his shower. Thinking that he had incorrectly filled or attached it, we took it down, emptied it, cleaned it & the shower up, then refilled and attached it to the wall. Half an hour later, same problem. The seal between the rubber nose and plastic backing that attaches to the wall is no good. Nothing we did took care of the broken seal. Huge disappointment and not worth the postage to even return. Turned out to be a runny nose, not a soap dispenser. And I had to clean the shower twice on Christmas. Nice." -Mami
*Seems to me that this is more of a gag than a practical gift anyway.

"My son loved this gag gift. the soap does leak out a little and run down the shower wall, but, no worries, it just looks like snot. we also used just plain shower get when the green soap ran out, which worked, but the thicker the better. The suctions cups stick better to ceramic tile vs our glass shower door."  -Mae
*Some great tips on how to make it useful, I also saw other reviews that suggested turning it upside down when not in use to prevent leaking. 

You can check it out for yourself at: Runny Nose Shower Dispenser


Decodyne Sir Tea Infuser
This product description had me rolling: "Sir Tea is your perfect tea time companion. Load his little silicone pants and place him in your cup."  The endless possibilities of things that come to mind that you could load his little pants up with.....   

Top Review:
"Great little tea infuser that can start a conversation even before you're put it in the cup. Easy to clean and doesn't leave a weird taste in your tea like others I've tried." -chana
*Although this was the only review for the product it is adorable and if it does what it claims to do, I would definitely buy it and load his little pants up ;)

You can purchase him at: Sir Tea Infuser

Blue Q Breath Spray
With this product you can do a multitude of things (at least according to advertisement) such as: remember the names of everyone that you have slept with, communicate with your dad, understand your mom, enjoy your job, positive energy,Instant rehab, instant therapy, accept aging etc.  Man if this stuff is for real I definitely want a few of these.  The aging product description is as follows: "Just one spray gets you back to what you should be doing. Passionately experiencing life and walking into the mystery of tomorrow."  The Enjoy your job spray is described as: "Realistically interact with clients and colleagues while in a controlled hibernative brain state!"  The positive energy one advertises: "Instantly heightens your inner magnetism so that wonderful things can't help but come your way. It's like you're magic!"  

Top reviews:
On the Communicate with Dad Spray: "I was told to give at least 24 hours for the spray to go through the system but WOW! After just 13 minutes of entering my mouth I felt a change IMMEDIATELY! I couldn't run to the phone fast enough! I quickly called my old man and asked how his day was! Hell, I even asked if I can go on the route with him. Ya know, learn a couple a tricks on the truck. Know what I mean?? So we're sitting at a local truck stop-off 95, we're bulls***tin, talkin bout getting my CDL, getting me a harley, s*** goin all nice. All of a sudden I'm starting to think, who the heck is this guy and why am I here? Luckily, I had my spray on me and quickly reapplied. WHEW! This s*** does wonders. I was able to order a lifetime supply, just hope I don't get immune to this. Whoever invented this, God bless your soul. You're saving daddy issues all over the world! I rate this product 10 stars!" -Marisa 
*Either this spray actually works, or it serves as a mental release for her to really be able to communicate with her father.  Either way the end result is what matters, so in that case the spray is effective :)

On the Believe in God Spray: "It took one little spritz.. My breath was fresher, mintier, and the taste of cigarettes was absolutely gone. I felt like I was kissing the holy mother herself. I got this strange sensation, waving through my whole body like electricity. Colors became brighter, everything was more vivid. Anything that moved left lingering, blurred trails. And then it happened.. I saw god.. He had long hair and a beard, loose fitting clothing and resembled my hippy roomate. He said "hey man! did you see a little spray bottle full of mint? I've been looking all over for it and I really need to find it now or we'll be late for the Phish concert." I handed it to god, a little hesitantly, who just just smiled and laughed. "Thanks dude, have a nice trip!" He even knew I had a long car ride ahead of me, but of course he did.. What a nice guy!" -Gerald Peters
*It sounds like somebody's breath spray may have been laced with a little something...  whatever works right???

You can purchase any of these sprays at: Acceptance Breath Spray

*Once again, thank you for reading and I welcome and and ALL suggestions and comments about what I have written about and ideas for the new weird things to buy on Amazon.  

Weird Things for Sale on Amazon Part 2

Good evening on this wonderful Friday night!  I thought it was a great time to share with you some more weird things that you can buy on Amazon.

Big Mouth Toilet Mug
Let me just say that I won't be drinking out of this mug.  It looks like someone had an intense case of diarrhea....  Just eww.  However serving this to someone could be very awesome. On the plus side, it is advertised as being dishwasher safe.  You can't go wrong with that.  In the product description it tempts you with the ability to also be able to drink out of the toilet just like you dog :)

Top Reviews:
"Product is advertised as dishwasher safe. After one time in dishwasher, ALL of the white is gone and I'm left with a beige, old lady's underwear color and a big frown."-Mr. Cheeseburger.
*Well there does the dishwasher safe claim.  However I find it interesting that it was old ladies' underwear that he chose to compare the color too.  This makes me wonder why he is so familiar with the colors that old ladies generally wear in underwear....  On second thought I really don't want to wonder about that.

"The mug caused quite polemic opinions on my work office. Some people said I was crazy, some girls said "gross, I wouldn't drink from that thing". Some other laughed a lot. All in all I love it. It has a lot of coffee capacity since it's quite big! I don't use it on my boss meetings though, He may not take me very serious. The power of the mug toilet is not to play with." -the urelita 
*I have to admit that I am cracking up at "The power of the mug toilet is not to play with."

Big Mouth Toilet Mug

Bacon Mints
I can definitely see the appeal in bacon mints.  It won't freshen your breath in any way, but it could still be delicious.  The greater appeal for me would be to put them into an Altoids or a related tin and watch people's reaction when they are expecting a minty flavor.    According to Amazon:Each one of these mints tastes like a delicious slice of crispy bacon with just a hint of mint flavor to give it that extra punch! You'll see that mint and bacon is a match made in heaven

Top Reviews:
"I used to eat 2 packages of bacon a week. I was up to 400 pounds and looking into buying a pig farm. I came across these bacon mints and the bacon dental floss. Now when I need some bacon I pop a mouthful of these mints and I can get through the day. What I really need is some bacon mouthwash. Good Evening." -William F Desmond
*Now here is an unexpected twist to the bacon mints, that they can actually be used for weight loss!



"I love the packaging and the concept, but the flavor of the mints warrants less than 5 star rating.
The flavor is a very light hint of the small breakfast sausages, unlike any bacon I have ever tasted. Said light hint of flavor is soon overwhelmed by the sugar of the mint." Its8up
 *Another selling point, they can also taste like small breakfast sausages, sounds like a win to me.

 Bacon Flavored Mints

The Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide to Horrible Diseases You Probably Already Have
I think the title pretty much covers all of it.  In our WebMD generation where any symptom you enter into the computer can give you a possible cancer outcome, I think this is very fitting.  It is advertised
to cover 50 of the most disgusting, painful, and life-threatening diseases. 

Top Reviews
"Medical editor and improvisational humorist Dennis DiClaudio has written an amazing book. It is essentially a pocket guide to selected horrible, scary, and interesting diseases presented in a quirky, humorous way. These diseases are neatly organized by categories (autoimmune, fungal, genetic, etc.) and cover only the most unusual of dread diseases. Sure, the book covers some more commonly known diseases like leprosy, acromegaly, and furious rabies, but it really shines when discussing truly obscure maladies such as fatal familial insomnia, cyclic vomiting syndrome (which, while it may not kill you, will make you wish it had,) alien hand syndrome (which gets my vote for most unusual neurological condition of all time,) and amnesic shellfish poisoning, which will make you forget all about the prawns you just ate (as well as everything else, for that matter.)
While all of these diseases are horrible in their own way, the one I find to be the most singularly scary is candiru infestation. This is the nastiest thing I have ever heard of: if you swim in the Amazon or Orinoco rivers a small, slender species of catfish called the candiru, but better known as the vampire fish, likes to swim up your urethra and lodge itself in your urinary tract. This hurts a lot. Do not try to pull it out because (surprise!) it has rearward pointing barbs that unfurl like an umbrella that will make it more firmly ensconced in its new home, where it spends its hours running sharp grating teeth all over your most sensitive parts to make a meal of your blood. (Some men have decided to have an otherwise unthinkable type of surgical amputation to make the pain stop.) As a side note, DiClaudio points out that there is legislation pending to outlaw importing candiru into the US, a measure that will, no doubt, get wide bipartisan support.
Even the more conventional diseases like bubonic plague and encephalitis are examined in a new and eerily entertaining light. I noted with a bit of trepidation that encephalitis can be caused by many, many other diseases, which DiClaudio helpfully lists in part; these include, but are not limited to: chicken pox, monkey pox, camel pox, canary pox, mollusci pox, sheep pox, vole pox, Aleutian mink disease, Andean potato mottle virus, hem-agglutinating virus of Japan, O'Nyong-Nyong, coital exanthema virus, Kyzylagach virus, yug bogdanovac virus, and mumps, just to name a few. Clearly you need to have an encephalitis contingency plan in place.
This book is actually full of good information, though I advise true hypochondriacs not even be allowed in the same room as this book. These diseases are scary, sure, but through DiClaudio's masterful prose and dry sense of humor, medical education actually becomes enjoyable with this book.
I highly recommend this to anyone with a good (if slightly warped) sense of humor, but the medically squeamish need not apply." -Robert I Hedges
*This has to be one of the more thorough definitions that I have come across, I love that he gives an example.  However, it is the last part that makes me actually want to buy this book when he recommends it to a good slightly warped sense of humor person as an audience. 

"Very humorous and well-written. Though I was disappointed that there weren't more illnesses that were less exotic so I could have imagined myself having contracted them..." -Jennifer P Snyder 
*I find it hilarious that she is sad that she can't imagine having contracted the illnesses within the book.  My response is that she let her imagination wander more...  

Hypochondriac's Pocket Guide

 Pee Pee Bib
I still can't stop laughing at the thought of someone wearing this.  It is essentially a bib for your male
member.  Advertised as flannel bibs for your winky.  I love the advertising photo about what a man's pants look like with and without the pee pee bib.  It is described as catching the drips like a male pantyliner.  Unfortunately there are not any reviews yet :(

Pee Pee Bib




Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure
This action figure is a hilarious concept.  He is advertised as be worried about whether or not you washed your hands after going to the bathroom.  he comes with a sterile surgical mask and a moist
towelette to wash him off before you play with him.

Top Reviews:
There were only 6 reviews to chose from so I will just summarize them for you.  Overall it has great reception and makes people laugh :)  Seems like a great gag gift.

OCD Action Figure

Werid Things for Sale on Amazon Part 1

We randomly talk about all kinds of weird stuff that you can buy on amazon.com.  So I am here to share a few of those things with you.  Along with some of their awesome review comments :)  Enjoy.  Feel free to add any suggestions for the next blog. 

The first item I randomly came across this evening was a Yodeling Pickle.  It is advertised as being for the friend who has everything except a yodeling pickle.  

A couple of great reviews I found were as follows:
"My twelve year-old niece asked for the Justin Bieber CD for Christmas, so I bought her this yodeling pickle. Nobody so far can tell the difference." -Sadie

"The yodelling pickle in my house appears to be possessed. Whenever I put it away in the kitchen cupboard it mysteriously appears in the top drawer of my wife's bedside table." -Flam

If you want to purchase the yodeling pickle from Amazon you can go to Yodeling Pickle

Next I came across the bacon adhesive bandages..  Yes they look just like bacon.  But there is a bonus within this product you can also find bandages that look like other awesome things such as Jesus, Pickles, Toast & Underwear to name a few.  This product online sells itself with the selling point of the incredible healing power of meat.  And also you get a free toy inside of the box if the bandaids aren't enough to make you feel better.  Who can go wrong with the healing power of meat and a free toy? 

Here's what some of the reviews had to say:
"Looking to add a little sizzle to your next flesh wound? Tired of the same boaring bandages?
Not to pork fun at an injury, but nothing strips the pain away like meating friends out dressed like this. "That's sow wrong, George!" they squeal. But fat chance they let such a pig idea go. In fact, they often rip it off quickly--after giving me the cold shoulder.
Perhaps it's time to climb out of this filthy pig pun. I can't help it: I ham what I ham." -George Takei 
*Hey if George Takei endorses it, it has to be good, right? 

"These bacon bandages are so realistic that they may cause secondary injuries. I applied a bacon bandage to moderate cut on my left thumb and within 2 hours, 4 people attempted to bite me. These bites required more bacon bandages, which, in turn , were responsible for more bites. The amount of bites per bandage applied rose exponentially to the point where I may die from blood loss. I am in desperate need of some liver and onion bandages as these would be appealing only to geriatrics who would be easily fought off." -Cool Hand
*Apparently caution is necessary as they may cause further injury if around your bacon loving friends. 

To purchase your own bacon bandages from Amazon visit Bacon Adhesive Bandages

Of course this wouldn't be a list of weird things to buy on Amazon if it didn't include canned unicorn meat!  It is necessary to provide the entire product description for laughs "No foolin' - Unicorn meat is real! Excellent source of sparkles! Rick Bite Unicorns, as we all know, frolic all over the world, pooping rainbows and marshmallows wherever they go. What you don't know is that when unicorns reach the end of their lifespan, they are drawn to County Meath, Ireland. The Sisters at Radiant Farms have dedicated their lives to nursing these elegant creatures through their final days. Taking a cue from the Kobe beef industry, they massage each unicorn's coat with Guinness daily and fatten them on a diet comprised entirely of candy corn. As the unicorn ages, its meat becomes fatty and marbled and the living bone in the horn loses density in a process much like osteoporosis. The horn's outer layer of keratin begins to develop a flavor very similar to candied almonds. Blending the crushed unicorn horn into the meat adds delightful, crispy flavor notes in each bite. We are confident you will find a world of bewilderment in every mouthful of scrumptious unicorn meat. Tasty Magical Beast Diagram Parts Unfortunately, due to restrictions on the importation of mythical processed meatstuff, we are unable to bring you Canned Unicorn Meat in the way the Sisters of Radiant Farms intended. When you open your can, you will find one tiny unicorn which has been appropriately sliced into its main cuts of meat. Simply use your Growth Ray to re-embiggen the unicorn before skinning it and processing its flesh. Or if you're lazy, just bring it to your local Mad Scientist-Butcher. He'll know what to do."

Here are some reviews on the quality of this product as a food source:
"When my shipment of unicorn meat from RADIANT FARMS finally arrived, I prepared the fragrant pate as a maki roll, wrapped in seaweed and spread over some sushi rice, with a little unagi sauce on top. This had been a staple during WWII when spam was standard issue in Hawaii, and it was how my cousins used to prepare it. Ah, the memories. I even had a half carafe of cold, unfiltered sake to pair with it.
Unfortunately, I found this unicorn meat brand to be quite similar to spam, both in texture and blandness. I'd been hoping for that zestier kick that comes from the rump cuts of other mythical and fantastical creatures, such as griffins or centaurs (for the latter, serve only the back half of the creature with guests, or it gets awkward).
Apparently, as Dateline recently reported, "farmed" unicorns are force-fed mostly genetically modified grains, rather than their natural diet of skittles and ecstasy pills. California in fact is ready to ban the practice and sale of such meat by referendum. Moreover, certain European countries were caught mixing in regular horse meat (yes, disgusting) so you never really know how pure the unicorn is.
I say stick with fresh. I highly recommend TOM RIDDLE brand unicorn steaks, which arrive still oozing restorative blood. Ground into patties, they make a great burger" -Geoge Takei
 *Good ol' George strikes again

"Don't order this product if you have a conscience. The unicorns in the industrial unicorn farms live in appalling conditions, in many cases worse than those of the pegasus ranches. Don't believe the propaganda of Lisa Frank and the other tycoons of big unicorn; all that awaits these poor creatures is the abattoir and the rainbow factory. Be ethical and buy (kosher) dragon meat instead." -V Zhironovsky
*Of course every review can't be positive, and there was bound to be some negativity on such a controversial product.  However I don't see why Lisa Frank had to take any flak on this one

If you would like to purchase your own Unicorn Meat you can go to Canned Unicorn Meat

After all this awesomeness I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to top the previous items until I found the Instant Irish Accent Breath Spray.  It is described as magical and giving an Irish accent within an instant by activating invisible language receptors in the mouth.

Here are some of the reviews:
"When it arrived I had a good laugh and I couldn't wait to show my friends. I took a hit of the minty spray and instantly sounded like an Irishman! I laughed some more and set the spray down and went about my business around my bachelor pad. A little while later my phone rang. When I answered it, I still had an Irish accent! My mom thought I was kidding around and eventually got frustrated and hung up. When we disconnected I was baffled, yet I suddenly had an urge to dance a jig! I didn't know what had come over me! It's been four days now and I still have the accent. It was fun at first. I was walking into pubs and ordering pints like a true Irishman! It's getting a little old now though. I wonder how much longer this will last? My friend's are getting tired of me spontaneously bursting out into a jig and trying to fight people.
EDIT \ UPDATE:
It's been eight days now and my regular voice is starting to come back. The urges to dance an Irish jig have subsided a bit. Now they only occur when I drink Guinness. I'm no longer trying to fight people. I did sprout a patch of red hair on my head." - The Biff
*As you can read, caution is warranted when using the Irish accent breath spray.  Make sure that you are in a place and have the time to really let this play itself out. 

"Yuck, I don't care if others said it worked, it doesn't. I tried it multiple times and nothing happened. it tastes like bad, expired peppermint and is a waste of your money." -Ivc
I am scared to say that I think this person was serious in thinking it would work.....

If you would like to give the accent spray a try yourself and see what kind of effect it might have on you, check it out at Irish Accent Breath Spray

Last but not least I came across the Anti-Monkey Butt Powder.  This conveniently comes in Original and Lady versions.  This is specially formulated to absorb sweat and minimize frictional discomfort.  The Lady version also advertises that it can minimize the frictional discomfort that women often experience when running, using exercise equipment, driving, or walking.  It is supposedly ideal for "butt busting" activities. 

Here are some reviews
"I use this on my 2 1/2 year old son when he has really gnarly poop and he gets a the equivalent of diaper rash. also works great if you get a chaffed butt from horseback riding or thongs. When i was pregnant my butt crack was sore all the time from sweat and having a fat rear. this stuff took care of the soreness in the first day."-Pippikins
*In my opinion Pippikins got a little too personal, but at least now we have more ideas of when to use anti-Monkey Butt powder.  

"This powder is unequaled in all of powderdom. Keeps skin dry and silky smooth, even in areas where perspiration is the most annoying. Lady Anti Monkey Butt has no talc, a huge plus for those of us who avoid talc at all costs. Unlike other powders, it lasts and lasts after application. The scent is so light as to be undetectable...and with the feel of luxury. Girls, don't be put off by the name."-J36
*Unequaled in all of powderdom?  I am sold.

If you would like to purchase some for yourself go to Anti-Money Butt Powder