I Embrace You Now

I Embrace You Now
Brittany Lynne McCann
9/7/09

Yearned to be free
Happiness to Reclaim
Cut all the chords
Start anew, fresh
So much time wasted
Too much time lost
Lost inside one’s self
A quarter century flies by
I’m right here waiting
This is me Now
You cannot break me
Immeasurable strength
Don’t judge without knowing
Some days held on by a thread
New found strength
More lessons learned
Never go back
Always moving forward
Fear no longer paralyzing the progress
Can always choose again
I’m ready and willing
Brush off the old
No room for the fake
No heart for the lies
Come real or not at all
Never needed anyone else
Me against the world
Rolling in armed and strong
Prepared for this journey
The untrodden pathways
The wisdom to discover
Feet can’t keep up with intentions
Laughter found in each day
Take me as I am
Completely or not at all
All is me, as I am all
No time for games
Won in overtime
Ready to move on
No adversary strong enough
No tears lonely enough
I open my heart to you now
As I was afraid to do before
No room for regrets
No need to look back
I embrace you now
My all-encompassing future

*I wrote this poem as I was getting ready to enter into the military again and make a huge move to Texas as I was in the process of pulling myself out of a dark place in my life.  It is enlightening to read this now as I have just ended my 11 years with the military and have a newfound freedom and feeling more stressfree as my primary reason for moving is coming to a close.  It was what I definitely needed at the time and allowed me to move into a different realm within my career.  I do not harbor any regrets and I am again embracing the future in a different direction. 

Never Meant To Be

Never Meant To Be
By: Brittany Lynne McCann
April 13, 2010

You and me
Were never meant to be
It was just an idea
That didn’t realize reality
Couldn’t grasp it’s own depth
From that second glance
We both fell into it
Eyes wide open
Hearts slammed shut
Somewhere along the way
Things happened right beneath our feet
Not as controllable
As you and I thought
Hearts leaping with joy
Yet still not feeling right
Everything was somehow wrong
The universe felt off
The deeper I fall
The more detached I seem to feel
The less it all seems real
I want to give my all
To someone willing to receive
From day one
There were no disillusions
I knew you were not the one
But I also knew I deserved some fun
My life had become so mundane
It threatened to drive me insane
Where do we go from here
I want my affections to go
To someone who wants them
You would rather feel nothing for me
To escape this contradictory
That drives us apart each day
And somehow closer still the next
Your company I crave
Yet wishing I cannot help
That in your place was someone else
Someone with open arms and heart
To appreciate and give in return
Someone deserving of me now
Not so far into the future
Someone who will not realize it once I’m gone
But who can realize it when it’s there
I do not want to lose you as a friend
Yet I feel it coming to an end
If we don’t act fast
It could end disastrous
Leaving us worse off than before
As our hearts hit the floor
Torn bare from our chests
In this battle of wills
While your touch still gives me chills
But your mind captivates
Not I moment I will regret
Many times I will never forget
How much longer can we masquerade
As we play at this charade
Of never letting go
Both stubborn as the bull
Which one of us will give in first
This time I feel the turn is mine
Allowing yourself to love would be divine
Yet I cannot continue to waste time
Waiting around for you to mature
I know what I deserve
Far more than you can give right now
Your friendship is irreplaceable
I will be sad to see you go
Yet I know we are meant to part ways
Already we have spent too many days
In this relationship contradictory
After all, you and me
We were never meant to be

*This is a very private poem that I did not share with very many people.  It was written in regards to the father of my son.  This was at the end of things between us and 2-3 months before I found out that I had been pregnant since March.....

Dear Unconditional Love

Dear Unconditional Love

No matter what happens, I seem to figure things out on my own. I grow older and wiser with each passing moment. I have so many amazing things that I have yet to experience in life. So many ups and downs, challenges and triumphs. Each day always creating an even better and more refined version of myself, even when there are days that feel like I am going in reverse. Eventually it is merely making me stronger and more appreciative of the future and the now. I keep moving forward somehow, always moving no matter how slowly, when there are days when getting out of bed is all that can be mentally accomplished. I continue to do what I can to give my all to each day, even when my all is more on some days than others. I try to be brave and to feel no fear, to be sure to conquer the fear that makes it through. The last couple years have pushed me more than I ever knew possible. Given me so many days that I had nothing left to offer but laughter at the irony of life, the ridiculousness of the situation, and the realization that no matter how bad things seem they can always be worse. I do not sit here vindicated I sit here thankful and rejuvenated with the things that I have been allowed to overcome and to grow from. Everything is a blessing, a new opportunity to learn from in the classroom of life. I have been incredibly fortunate with those in my life whose love has been my rock, my strength when I no longer had anything to give. No matter what capacity it came in I will NEVER forget, and I only hope to come close for anyone in life to try to repay back this miracle of love to the universe.
Yet it has all been bittersweet because you have not been here to share it with me. You have not been here to grow with me, to laugh with me, to cry with me, and to merely LIVE life with me. To me this is the most unacceptable thing of all. I know you are somewhere, so close and yet so far away, but what are you waiting for? I have never been very good with patience and I cannot find a valid way to justify each day gone without you in my life. In searching I am afraid that we may have gotten lost along the way, that we somehow missed what was there. So I will sit here becoming the best I can be for you and more importantly for me each and every day. I will not close my eyes to whatever way it is that you have chosen to reveal yourself to me this time. I don't want to live with regrets and each day wasted without you is a waste of time that could have been OURS. Time that can go by in the blink of an eye if we are not careful. I'm no longer afraid, so why should you be? Stop making excuses, stop postponing life. Stop being afraid of the end before a beginning is ever allowed to happen. There is no reason to postpone the ultimate in shared happiness. I am here telling you that I am not running, I'm here and I am ready. So what are you waiting for? Come and get me.

Your Soulmate


*This is a letter I wrote in February of 2010 as I was feeling very open to welcome new and wonderful experiences into my life. 

I Want To

Here is a past poem that I would like to share, Enjoy:)

I Want To

By: Brittany L. McCann

9/12/10

I Want to Feel

His Breathe Upon My Neck

His Lips Upon My Skin

His Arms Wrapped Around Me

The Racing of His Heart

The Butterflies He Gives Me

With Merely A Smile

I Want To Hear

The Way He Says My Name

A Sigh Escape From His Lips

His Voice When He First Wakes Up

The Happiness in His Laughter

The Sound of His Heartbeat

With My Ear Pressed Against His Chest

I Want to See

His Eyes Sparkle With Excitement

His Smile Light Up His Face

His Heart Shine From Within

His Confidence in Life

The Tears He Hides From the World

And Let Him Know It’s Ok to Make Mistakes

I Want To Touch

His Lips With Mine

His Skin With My Fingertips

His Body With My Kisses

His Heart With My Love

His Soul From Deep Within

So He Never Has to Wonder If I’m The One

I Want To Know

His Deepest Desires

His Darkest Fears

His Secrets No One Knows

What Truly Makes Him Happy

His Dreams & Aspirations

So I Can Help Make Them Happen

I Want To Make Him Feel Safe

I Want Him To Know He Is Mine

I Want To Hold His Hand

I Want To Make New Memories

I Want To Be His Diary

I Want To Protect Him

I Want To Support Him

I Want To Push Him To Be Better

I Want To Catch Him When He Falls

I Want To Make Him Smile Every Day

I Want To Love Him With All That I Am

But Most Of All

I Want To Begin Sharing My Life With Him

*I wrote this poem a few months after finding out that I was going to be a mother, and my emotions were at an all time high.  My heart was open more than it had ever been.  I was in a wonderful place in my life to allow love to enter.  I wanted to share all of the amazing experiences I was going through with someone. 

Welcome

Good evening new readers,

My son Liam & I :)

Me

I would like to take this time to welcome you to my blog.  This is my initial attempt at blogging and hoping for the best.  I needed an avenue to get back into writing on a regular basis and would love to see this inspire me to accomplish great things as an author.   Let me share with you a smidgen of myself.   I am a single mother of an amazing 2 and a half year old son and 5 year old Keeshond puppy.  I am an aspiring poet, and novelist.  I love to cooking, reading, writing, listening to music, making my son smile and inspiring him to learn new things.  I love sharing life with those who've an aptitude for finding LIFE in our surroundings.  I look forward to sharing many works with you all.  Those in progress, completed, or just beginning.  Many pictures videos, and other parts of my amazing life that I am so thankful to have been blessed with.  I have an open heart, and an even more open mind.  Thank you for taking the time to become acquainted with myself and the words and thoughts that flow through me.  

My son Liam

My Kiribear